Monday, November 18, 2013

Epic Rap Battle In History: Bob Ross vs Pablo Picasso

Yo, Pablo, you just got your happy little ass beat.

News: Man Calls 911 To Report Snoring Woman In His Bed

From The Smoking Gun.
Wisconsin Man Called 911 Because Sex Partner Was "Snoring Like A Train" In His Bed

A Wisconsin man called 911 early Sunday morning and asked for assistance in removing a snoring woman from his bed, police report.

Benjamin Duddles, 41, dialed police around 4:20 AM to say that he wanted “a female removed from his bed,” adding that he was not sure “how she got into his apt.”

He subsequently reported that he had let the woman into his home and she “just went into his bed and fell asleep.”

The woman, Duddles complained, was “now snoring like a train and he wants her out.”

When officers arrived at Duddles’s Waukesha residence, he revealed they “drank together, had relations and she fell asleep.”

After repairing to his living room, Duddles returned to his bedroom and could not roust the snoring woman, “so he called police,” according to a Waukesha Police Department report.

The unidentified woman was “found to be fine medically, just has sleep apnea.”

Cops advised Duddles that a snoring woman in his bed was not a police matter since he had allowed her into his home. Duddles, who was not arrested, was “provided the comfort of his couch for the evening” and directed to “work out the ‘issue’ in the morning.”

Thumbs For Guns Of The Day

From Thumbs and Ammo. Link from Janis B.

News: Least Popular Guy At House Party Really Hitting It Off With Dog

From The Onion.
Least Popular Guy At House Party Really Hitting It Off With Dog

CHICAGO—Having failed to find a single person to have a meaningful conversation with, least popular party guest Paul Whitford is really hitting it off with the host’s dog, sources are confirming.

“You’re my buddy,” Whitford said while sitting next to the dog on the couch, looking at him at eye level, and petting him as partygoers continued talking and laughing amongst themselves nearby.

“You’ve been a very good boy with all these people walking around your house, but I bet you’re ready for them to get out of here, right? Yes, I bet you are. Good boy.”

At press time, Whitford was reportedly flipping through a coffee table book after the dog became interested in another guest.


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