Thursday, February 28, 2013

Newspaper Dicks Of The Day (NSFW)

I just spent half an hour laughing so hard that I hurt myself. From Drawing Dicks On The Herald Sun.

News: Mexican Police Seize Homemade Marijuana Cannon

Gives a whole new meaning to "firing one up." Made from a plastic pipe "and a crude metal tank that used compressed air from the engine of an old car"? That sounds safe.

From The Guardian.
'Marijuana cannon' used to fire drugs over US border seized in Mexico

Compressed-air gun mounted on truck could hurl 13-kilo packets over fence into California

Feb. 27, 2013

Police in the border city of Mexicali say they have recovered a powerful improvised cannon used to hurl packets of marijuana across a border fence into California.

Police told the Televisa network that the device was made up of a plastic pipe and a crude metal tank that used compressed air from the engine of an old car.

The apparatus fired cylinders packed with drugs that weighed as much as 13 kilos, police said. It was confiscated last week after US officers told Mexican police that they had been confiscating a 16px number of drug packages that appeared to have been fired over the border.

Mexican police on the border have recovered a series of similar devices in recent years.

Inexplicable Stock Photos Of The Day

Photo not related. To anything.

More at Buzzfeed and Awkward Stock Photos.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

WTF "Help Wanted" Signs Of The Day

Long-haired freaky people need not apply.

Fearful drunks apply within.

You can't have all the shits. Six Flags needs some.

Sounds like a fun place to work.

Come back next month.

Never work for frustrated comedians. You'll regret it.

What's that smell? Oh, it's the piano keys.

Must speak Engrish.

Sorry, Madonna.

We need people to pack up all our shit.

Now hiring another Dave.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Free Weave

best of craigslist > portland > 

Free Weave (purple comb included)

This alluring weave can be found hanging on a bush on SE Francis Street and SE 36th Ave.

Not really sure how it could have gotten here but some of our guesses are that the previous owner:

1. Wanted to go back to her natural hair length

2. Was drunk and got a little too rough with her comb

3. Got into a fight and lost

Or she might want someone else to have long luxurious hair just like she once did and work it.

Will it be you?

Get it girl.

Job Query Of The Day: I Would Like To Be Pope

From McSweeney's.
I Would Like to Be Pope

by John Ortved

Dear sir or madam,

I am writing to apply for the position of Pope. I recently received my Bachelor of Arts, or “artium baccalaureus,” from Dartmouth College, with a major concentration in Theatre Studies and a minor concentration in Computer Science. While I have been focusing on the technology and financial sectors, I have recently decided to widen my job search to include top non-profits, such as your organization. 

I became aware of the availability of the position of Pope through the Dartmouth listserv; I am greatly impressed by the achievements of The Catholic Church and share many of its goals. I believe my qualifications and outlook make me a unique and interesting candidate for Pope and I would be enthusiastic to grow with The Catholic Church.

Over the past four years, I have worked tirelessly to receive the kind of well-rounded education that is indispensible to today’s leaders, whether in the boardroom, the operating room, or the Vatican. My thesis project, a musical King Lear that took place entirely on Facebook, integrated my chosen areas of study, including Advanced Shakespeare, Social Media and Society and 20th Century History of Latin Jazz. As social chair of my fraternity, AXA, I not only increased the attendance of our weekly No Pants Parties by 30%, I successfully persuaded the Dartmouth Disciplinary Council to permit AXA to conduct internal reviews of alleged incidents of sexual harassment and bullying. I am a problem solver.

While I have never studied Catholicism per se, I have several credits in World Religions and, as the intern supervisor at the prominent, Oakland law firm of Russ, Davies & Chalmers will confirm, I am a quick study. Additionally, I have noted your organization’s expanding client base in South America. This is an area in which I am well versed, after spending an entire semester in Buenos Aires, where I became intimately acquainted with the people, their food and their culture. Well traveled and a man of the world, my Spanish language skills “hablar” for themselves.

(continued here)

Vintage STD Propaganda Posters Of The Day

Funny stuff from Hannah and Acid Cow. Interesting (i.e. lame) how women are portrayed as deadly temptresses and ghouls, and the poor soldiers are hapless victims. This wasn't that long ago, either.

Hmm. Define "procurable."

See? They had cock blockers even in the 1940s.

She may look like Katy Perry -- but...

More here.


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