Wednesday, October 31, 2012

News: Mom Called To Make Sure You're Not Under That Dangling Crane

She worries, you know.

From The Onion.

Mom Just Called To Make Sure You're Not Under That Dangling Crane

BOISE, ID—Calling to check on him for the fourth consecutive morning amid reports of the dangers posed by Hurricane Sandy, local mom Mary Canfield expressed relief Tuesday after learning her son in New York wasn’t underneath that crane that’s dangling from a high-rise apartment building in Manhattan.

“Oh, thank God—the thought of you standing under that big, dangling crane was just awful,” said the concerned mother, explaining that as soon as she saw TV footage of the crane on 57th Street in Midtown, she had a “horrible vision” of her son, a 27-year-old Brooklyn resident, trapped beneath the twisted wreckage of the crane as floodwaters rose around him.

“They’re saying it’s 1,000 feet up in the air and just flapping around waiting to fall. Honey, promise you won’t go near that crane, okay?”

Canfield added that in case of an emergency, her son should feel free to call her friend Debbie up in Utica.

Best Disney-Star Wars Merger Memes Of The Day

You might have heard that Disney bought out Lucasfilm yesterday. Naturally, the intranetz are all a-titter with clever people making clever art in response to the news. Here are some of the best ones, courtesy of Buzzfeed.

More here.

News: Police Break Up Cat Party

Late breaking news from the Reykjavik Grapevine. Shit's getting real in Iceland.

Police Break Up Cat Party

Police in Suðurnes were, for possibly the first time in the history of the region, called out to break up a party being held by cats.

Morgunblaðið reports that residents living around a house known to be unoccupied for some time noticed several cats coming in and out of an open window. This piqued the curiosity of residents, who summarily called police to the location at around noon last Sunday.

Police arrived at the scene and, entering the house, found no people there. However, two to three cats - the exact number is still unclear - were allegedly occupying the house. 

According to police reports, the cats were "snuggling" on a couch that had been left behind by the previous residents.

Officers on the scene sprang into action, immediately evicting the cats from the house. 

They then ensured that all doors and windows into the house were securely closed and locked, in the hopes of preventing an incident of this sort from ever happening again.

If you live in the Suðurnes area and witness cats occupying abandoned homes and holding parties, you can contact the local police and rest assured that they will respond without hesitation.

Commercial Of The Day: Mom

This is my life in a nutshell. But the kid always tells, anyway. A born snitch.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

11 Celebrity Memoir Flops Of The Day

From The Daily Beast:

"Turns out, readers consider Arnold Schwarzenegger’s memoir Total Recall expendable. Despite an aggressive publicity tour, the book has sold only 27,000 copies since its Oct. 1 release, 21,000 of them in the first week. It’s not terrible—Alec Baldwin’s A Promise to Ourselves has sold only 13,000 hardcover copies since its September 2008 release, proving that even a hit TV show doesn’t guarantee literary success.

As they do almost every year, publishers have released a slew of celebrity memoirs of late, but sales have been underwhelming (with the exception of the likes of Tina Fey and Keith Richards). Some of these books may catch on in paperback or find a second life, but the general rule in publishing is that if you haven’t sold big in your first few weeks, you’re doomed.

From Snooki to Rielle Hunter, here are the biggest recent flops, with book sales data provided by Nielsen BookScan.


Waging Heavy Peace has sold 36,000 copies since its Sept. 25 release, similar to the pace of Schwarzenegger’s memoir.


Seriously…I’m Kidding has sold only 12,000 copies in paperback since Sept. 25 though her hardcover sales were stronger.


The publisher hoping for another Keith Richards sensation may be disappointed with Who I Am, the memoir of the guitarist of the legendary band The Who, has sold 18,000 copies since Oct. 8.


What Really Happened, the tell-all by the mistress of former presidential candidate John Edwards, has sold only 12,000 copies since June 22.


The Longest Way Home, the new book by the actor (Pretty in Pink, St. Elmos’ Fire and other Brat Pack films) and travel writer has sold only 5,000 copies since it was published on Sept. 18.


My Mother Was Nuts by the director (Big, Awakenings, A League of Their Own), producer, and former star of Laverne and Shirley, has sold just 7,000 copies since its Sept. 18 release.

See the rest at The Daily Beast.

Animated GIF Of The Day

Again. Because I want you to watch it some more. I wish this thing had sound.

Vid Of The Day: Henri 4, L'Haunting

Brilliance. Thanks, Lea-Anne Jackson, for the link.

11 People Who Turned Down Big TV Roles (Of The Day)

Oops. From Mental Floss.


According to Paul Shaffer’s memoir, We’ll Be Here for the Rest of Our Lives, Jerry Seinfeld personally left a message stating that the role of George Costanza on his upcoming pilot was Shaffer’s if he wanted it. But Shaffer was preoccupied with his other work and said he never got around to returning Seinfeld’s call.


Sex and the City creator Darren Star first offered the role of Carrie Bradshaw to his friend, Dana Delany. Delany had previously won two Emmy Awards for her portrayal of the compassionate nurse Colleen McMurphy on China Beach, but she was still smarting from the negative reviews she’d gotten for playing a dominatrix in the 1994 film Exit to Eden. She told Star that the public would never forgive her if she talked about sex onscreen again, so the part went to Sarah Jessica Parker.


Blonde bombshell (and mother of Law & Order: SVU star Mariska Hargitay) nixed the role of sexy Ginger Grant on Gilligan’s Island, stating “I am a movie star.”


As Bill Carter reported in the New York Times back in 2006, NBC executives had a strong favorite for the role of Michael Scott on the American adaptation of The Office—Paul Giamatti. He wasn’t interested, and the network eventually offered the role to Steve Carell.


Tim Allen’s Home Improvement sidekick was originally Glen, not Al. When the series was first being cast, character actor Stephen Tobolowsky was hired to co-host the fictitious Tool Time with Tim, but a previous commitment prevented him from appearing in the pilot episode. Richard Karn, a struggling actor, happened to meet Home Improvement’s casting director while attending traffic school and finagled an audition. Karn was invited to be Tobolowsky’s “placeholder” in the pilot, and then was asked to film a second episode when the series was picked up and Stephen was still off working on a different project.


As Seinfeld was winding down its nine year run in 1998, the major networks were salivating to sign the series’ stars to new projects. ABC pictured Michael Richards as a bumbling Inspector Clouseau-type detective and pitched a premise about a cop suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Richards, however, felt that the character of Adrian Monk didn’t offer enough comedic possibilities, so he passed. With Richards’ veto, ABC lost interest in the show and sold the rights to cable’s USA Network. Monk went on to become USA’s highest-rated show and Tony Shalhoub won three Emmy Awards.

See the rest at Mental Floss.

Monday, October 29, 2012

News: I Hope The Guy Who Got Knocked Out By The American Thighs In That Song Is Okay

From The Onion, of course.

I Hope The Guy Who Got Knocked Out By The American Thighs In That Song Is Okay 

by Janice Weingarten

I just heard a song on the radio that, quite frankly, left me feeling very concerned. 

While I understand that the gentleman singing the song was having—or sounded as though he was having—an enjoyable time, I can’t help but worry. All I can say is, I’m glad he met the best damn woman he’d ever seen (as he put it), but I sure hope that guy who got knocked out by the American thighs in that song is okay.

What if he’s really hurt? Being knocked out is a serious matter, whether by American thighs or anything else, and there could be major health consequences as a result.

And frankly, it sounded pretty serious. There was some agitation in the singing man’s voice, to be sure. It almost seemed as though he was screaming, which I can only assume was from the pain, from damage to his inner ear, or, God forbid, from brain damage. 

After all, losing consciousness like that is not something to simply shrug off. In fact, if the man who got knocked out by the Americans thighs in that song is reading this now, I would urge him to get himself checked out as soon as possible. Call a doctor or have someone take you to the emergency room immediately. 

You can’t take any chances when it comes to your health.


News: Fox's New Celebrity Diving Show

I think they should have a different twist every week, like freshwater crocs in the pool or tossing in a toaster just as the celeb hits the water or draining the pool without telling anyone. From Gawker.

By P.J. Smith

Fox to Join ABC in Throwing D-List Celebrities Off Cliffs, Calling It Reality TV

Fox is taking the dive (!) into the fast-developing TV genre of what Deadline describes as the "competition celebrity diving reality arena." Oh, you were not aware of this genre? Allow me to explain.

Fox's new show—"Stars In Danger: High Diving"—will feature about eight lucky, barely famous people who will undergo a "crash-course" in diving techniques (which I'm assuming will involve at least one foreboding cliff jump, because why else would anyone watch celebrities belly-flop into a normal body of water?). 

Finally, these "celebrities" will duke it out in a series of Olympic dives, "including solo high diving and synchronized diving."

"Stars In Danger" is premiering right on the heels of ABC's purchase of the European reality TV show "Celebrity Splash." It is the "Nanny 911" to ABC's "Supernanny," the "Trading Spouses" to ABC's "Wife Swap" In other words, pretty much the same exact show.

Dogs In Star Wars Costumes Of The Day

Pets love costumes. Just look at their faces.

From BestWeekEver.

Lots more at BestWeekEver.

Halloween Prank Of The Day: Sneeze

I've sneezed that hard before.


Friday, October 26, 2012

Meme Of The Day: Business Cat

From Know Your Meme:

"Business Cat is a LOLcat image macro series with an Advice Dog spinoff / Memegenerator starburst background. The overlaid text usually includes something a boss would do or request, but with a feline twist.

On January 1, 2011 Something Awful forum user Apple Jax posted a thread titled "PYF Cat Pictures" with a picture of her boyfriend’s cat Emilio. The owner has since created, and explains the cat’s history on the About The Cat page."



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