Thursday, June 28, 2012

Ten Of The World's Most Expensive Beers Of The Day

Fuckers had better be good, that's all I'm saying. From Mental Floss.


Price: $275/330ml
ABV : 57.5%

Released last October, Schorschbock 57 claims to be the strongest beer in the world. According to Master brewer Georg Tscheuschner, a higher proof beer would violate Germany’s 500-year-old Beer Purity Law. Schorschbräu only made 36 bottles, and each carries a price tag of €200. Tasters say the 115 proof bock is smoky and nutty, with hints of raisins and, obviously, alcohol. The folks at gave it a paltry 20/100.


Price: $800-$1815/500ml
ABV: 10%

Not made from animals, this pale ale is made for animals. Concocted by Nail Brewing in Perth, Australia, 100% of profits go to the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society. (That’s right, the Whale Wars people.) The Sea Shepherds landed a helicopter on an Antarctic iceberg, dug up some ice, melted it in Tasmania, and flew it to Perth for brewing. Only 30 bottles were made, and the first sold for $800 at auction.


Price : $110/six-pack
ABV : 5.5%

In 2006, Japanese and Russian scientists tested how well barley could grow in space. They rocketed barley seeds to the International Space Station and planted them aboard the Zvezda Service Module. After spending five months in orbit, the fourth-generation of barley was brought back to earth, where Japanese brewer Sapporo fermented it into the world’s first space beer. A six-pack costs $110—not bad, considering it was imported from the cosmos.

See the rest at Mental Floss.


Link of The Day: Map of The Dead

Surviving the zombie apocalypse starts right here, my friends. (Click pic to link)

Cage-ified Photo Service Of The Day

From Buzzfeed.

Want to look like Nic Cage but lack the photoshop skills required to swap in his face in all the photos from your wedding album? Thankfully, someone on Etsy will do it for you for a mere $12. Here are some of his sample works from happy customers:

More here.


Movie Clichés Of The Day

Some of these are from Roger Ebert, some are my own.

The “Heroes With Clippings” Rule
Movie heroes always keep a file of newspaper clippings that detail their downfall. They like to pull out this file and go through the clippings again from time to time, just to refresh their memory. Often they will pay special attention to one clipping, at which time we will be shown a flashback to the event in the article.

The Alarm Clock Rule
If an electric clock is given a close up, it will be either twenty-nine minutes past the hour, or one minute to the hour. The time will progress one minute, waking up the hero with a song that is important to the plot. (Groundhog Day, Back To The Future)

The Lurch Awake Rule
If you are a movie character and you have a bad dream, you can’t just wake up by opening your eyes. No, you must sit up quickly, sweaty, eyes bulging, mouth agape.

The Girl Back Home Rule
In a war movie, the guy who shows the hero a picture of his girl back home and says, “I’m gonna marry her when all this is over” – that’s the guy who’s as good as dead in the next scene. It’s the war movie equivalent of red shirts in Star Trek. (Platoon, We Were Soldiers). Ditto the guy who carries a letter to his family and asks his buddy to mail it for him in case he dies. Goner. (Saving Private Ryan, The Thin Red Line)

The Baguette Rule
Any time a movie character is shown walking home with a bag of groceries, the bag is paper and contains a tall, fresh baguette –- which flies in the air when the character has to jump out of the way of a car driving down the sidewalk.

The “We've Been Expecting You” Rule
Whenever a hero fights his way into the villains fortress, escaping multiple assassination attempts, he will be caught and taken to the villain, who will invariably greet him with, "We’ve been expecting you." (most Bond movies)

The “It’s Quiet” Rule
Anytime characters are in a perilous situation and one says, “It’s quiet,” someone else will invariably reply, “Too quiet.”

The “This just keeps getting better and better” Rule
Line uttered for no reason other than that it makes a great button for the trailer (Men In Black, EdTV, The Mummy).

The Rainy Epiphany Rule
The best way for a movie character to demonstrate that he has had an epiphany or dramatic change of heart is to stand outside in a heavy rain shower and lift his face and arms to the sky. (The Shawshank Redemption was the first, I think, but it has been copied many times by others like Cuba Gooding in Instinct).

The "Tell Me Where You Are And I'll Come And Get You" Rule
Telltale line that finally makes obvious to everyone (except the hero) that the hero’s trusted friend or supervisor has gone over to the bad guys. (F/X)

The Media Coverage Rule
All media coverage depicted in a movie will prominently feature the main character, no matter how incidental his or her involvement is to the big story. His picture makes Page One, and CNN thoroughly documents his simple presence in a crowd. (Godzilla -- TV news reports pass up footage of a giant rampaging lizard in favor of shots of Matthew Broderick carrying his luggage, digging a hole, etc.)

The Angelic Priorites Rule
Modern movie angels mostly seem to visit earth in order to smoke cigarettes, eat pizza, and show what regular Joes they are. Although famine, war and disease torment the globe, these angels visit to solve more pressing problems, like a guy who has stopped dating because he’s lost his faith in women or a sports team that needs to win the big game. (Michael, It’s A Wonderful Life, Angels In The Outfield)

The Bar Fight Rule
When a fight in a bar breaks out, nearly everyone in the place begins fighting, spontaneously and without cause -- even with people they’ve have been sitting next to for some time.

The Movie Lot Rule
Any scene that takes place at a movie studio lot will feature costumed extras milling about, including at least two of the following: a knight, a cowboy, a man dressed as an Arab, a Marilyn Monroe lookalike, an alien, Roman soldiers, Abraham Lincoln, Napoleon, or women in a scanty slave-girls costumes. (spoofed in Pee Wee's Big Adventure)

The Big Names Rule
When an  entire trailer or poster for a movie consists of the names of the two stars, as in STALLONE-STONE or WESLEY-WOODY, this suggests that getting those two names represents most of the films budget, and that funding a good script was a lower priority. (The Specialist, White Men Can’t Jump)

The Wet Dog Rule
All wet dogs shake themselves dry only while standing next to well-dressed movie characters. If the dog is huge and especially dirty/muddy, the shake will be shown in slo-mo. (Beethoven)

The Bilingual Nazi Rule
Nazi officers always speak English when talking to each other, even though Nazi sergeants can be heard in the background barking orders in German. (any classic WWII film)

The Late Pregnancy Rule
Any character more than seven months pregnant will give birth by the end of the film, usually in an unusual place, such as an elevator, a cemetery or the back seat of a taxi in a traffic jam. The baby is always delivered by someone squeamish and inexperienced who will discover the miracle of life and get the baby named after him or her.

The Shattered Vase Rule
Anyone holding a vase, glass, coffee mug or other breakable object will drop that object upon hearing bad news. Usually the object will fall and shatter in slow motion, typically from multiple angles.

The Discarded Newspaper Rule
If you time-travel in a movie and aren’t sure what year it is where you land, just look for a trash can, where you can always find a discarded newspaper with the date. (Back To The Future)

The Chinatown Rule
In any Asian city, or any city with a Chinatown, all chase scenes happen to occur on Chinese New Year, and lead directly through a parade.

The Hospital Rule
If a hit man has to kill someone in a guarded hospital room, all he has to do is into a linen closet, emerge wearing a lab coat and carrying a clip board (both freely available in any hospital linen closet), and walk around the hospital as if invisible. None of the other doctors or nurses will notice that this guy has never worked there before.

The Psychotic Collage Rule
Psychotic stalkers sublimate their destructive impulses by creating a collage of newspaper clippings, candid photos and charcoal sketches of their victims, and maniacal scribblings or poems scrawled on paper. This collage is glued to the wall of the psycho’s one-room apartment, to be found by police officers bursting in just after the stalker has fled, letting them know exactly what the killer is up to. (Se7en, In The Line Of Fire)

The Karma Rule
The more detestable a movie villain is, the more gruesome his ultimate death will be. (Terminator crushed in The Terminator, Billy Zane shot in the mouth with a flare gun in Dead Calm, Ronny Cox’s head bulges and explodes in Total Recall, Tony Goldwyn impaled by falling broken window pane in Ghost)

Got any others?


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Cool Flickr Page Of The Day: Stormtroopers 365

A fun spoof of those photo-a-day-for-a-year blogs we've all seen where people take pictures of their feet and liquor drinks and blades of grass and electrical outlets. From Stefan on Flick. Click any pic to visit the gallery.


10 Famous Authors Who Could Beat The Crap Out Of You

From Guyspeed.


The  man responsible for children’s classics like ‘The Giving Tree’ was actually a notorious bad ass. Uncle Shelby was a beefy bald bearded dude who served honorably in the Korean War. Silverstein split his time between writing books and putting songs together for a wide variety of musicians, including Johnny Cash. Although he was mostly a peaceable man, you know that Shel could take you out if he needed to.


One of Japan’s most famous novelists, Yukio Mishima was a man of many facets: literary genius, closeted homosexual and brutal fascist. Mishima practiced rigorous bodybuilding for most of his life, and in 1968 he formed his own private army to “protect the Emperor.” A few years later, he actually attempted a coup d’etat in Japan and committed ritual suicide after it was unsuccessful.


Best known as the author of ‘Le Morte d’Arthur, the classic work of English fantasy that so many bad movies have been based on, Thomas Malory was a total d-bag who feared no man. Some of his crimes included bushwhacking a the Duke of Buckingham, robbing houses and beating the tar out of whoever crossed his path. He was eventually tossed in Newgate Prison, where he wrote his famous book.


The British author of ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ brought an acerbic edge to his writing that came from his bad ass life. During World War II, Dahl was a fighter pilot for the British army, flying obsolete biplanes in combat against the Germans. He survived a hideous crash in Libya that wrecked his plane, fractured his skull and briefly blinded him. The notoriously curmudgeonly author could have taken you down easily.


The ‘King of Gonzo journalism’ was a writer you didn’t want to get on the wrong side of. Hunter S. Thompson was notorious for his drug-fueled missives in the pages of Rolling Stone, as well as his penchant for firearms. One of the most notable fights of Thompson’s career was one he lost, when he got the turds whipped out of him by a gang of Hell’s Angels over a book he was writing. The fact that he even survived makes him more bad ass than you.

See the rest at Guyspeed


Vids Of The Day: Toonces, The Driving Cat

Two SNL classics.

Toonces Without A Cause


Cross-Eyed Cats Of The Day

They amuse me.


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Tumblr Page Of The Day: Ghetto Hikes

The site is called Ghetto Hikes, and here's the deal, according to the creator: "I'm 28. I have a full time job leading urban kids (of all races) on nature hikes. I simply write down shit they say."

These are hysterical and even sweet in an odd sort of way. Many thanks to Jennifer Castle and Dan McBride for the link.

“Mr. Cody, I ain’t no snitch or nuffin’ but Denny back there shovin’ colored rocks in his pockets. Homie lootin’ the forest!”

“Bring the first aids kit, Leon think he tore his rotisserie cuff.”

“Is rabbits eatable? Or you just s’posed to cuddle the fuck outta them?”

“Yo Mr. Cody, how many these mushrooms I gotta eat fo’ I Super Mario da fuck outta dis place?”

“Hey Dustin! Getcha ass ova here! We buildin’ bird feeders! Peanut butter pinecone craft time motherfucka!”

“Quinton’s fat ass waaaay back there. Homie can’t keep his pants up. Tryna borrow a belt, I’m like nobody here wear size Equator!”

“Mr. Cody, this cool but next time I get my cousin D’wayne to deliver us Papa Johns. D’wayne turn these woods into a pizza party forest.”

“If me and Jévon find a treasures chest out here, we makin’ the bus driver stop by the Coinstar. Cool?”

“Hey, i’mma leave this cologne out for the animals. Help a brother get some pussy in the matin’ seasons.”

“Mr. Cody, me n’ Patrice gunna poke holes in the top of dis tent. My mama gunna be pissed if I come home stuffocated.”

“You don’t need to tell Markell he has to shit in a hole, homie shits in all sorta crazy places.”

“I sits wherever I damn please, ain’t no assign seats up in this forest.”

“The earth be like, ‘today i feel like makin a river.’ That’s just motherfuckin’ mother nature.”

“Ernesto know all about plants n’ fungi n’ shit, his mama work at Subway.”

“We out in nature dawg, ain’t no need to use dictionary words like ‘beverage.’

Lots more at Ghetto Hikes.



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