Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Vid Of The Day: Shit Burger

Japan? NO WAY!

From Ben.

Commercial Of The Day: Bavaria

The Batman homage makes it. Although pillow-fights in lingerie are good, too.

Craigslist Ad Of The Day #2: Menopausal Woman With Nasty Temper Has '85 Grand Priz For Sale

craigslist > fort myers >

Menopausal woman with nasty temper has '85 Grand Prix for sale

Date: 2008-04-28, 8:55AM EDT

Let's answer some questions before I describe the car, as there seems to be a bit of confusion:

1. NO, it is not a "condo-car" that's been garaged all its natural life. It's a $600 car.

2. YES, the odometer reads 24k miles, but I am VERY certain it has rolled over and it's actually 124k miles. It's a $600 car.

3. YES, it is restorable. Anything is restorable if you have the time and money! But, in its current condition, it's a $600 car.

4. YES, the interior is very clean. NOTICE I DID NOT SAY IT WAS MINT! It is clean... one tiny tear on the drivers seat back, broken arm-rest on drivers side, TWENTY THREE YEARS OLD!!! Again, it's a $600 car.

5. YES, it does start and run very well. My son drove it to and from work for several months while his other vehicle was being repaired. Not bad for a $600 car!

6. NO, my boyfriend and his tool box do NOT come with the car. In other words, you're buying a TWENTY-THREE YEAR OLD, SIX HUNDRED DOLLAR CAR, people! I cannot guarantee that it will "last at least a year" or that "it will make it all the way to Oregon in September." My crystal ball broke a lonnnnnng time ago. It's a $600 car.

7. YES, it is quiet. But will it disturb your neighbors? HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW? I don't even KNOW your neighbors! I know you can squeal tires pretty loudly, even in this old $600 car.

8. NO, I will NOT pay for your gas if you drive here from East Jesus and decide not to buy the car for any reason. Why would you drive 3 hours to buy a $600 car anyway?

9. NO, I am NOT interested in donating the car to your worthy cause. My son needs the money. He's a kid, for crying out loud! Do you really think he'd be advertising this $600 car for SALE if he wanted to "help you out because you're down on your luck because your boyfriend left you and took your car and you have no way to get back and forth from....". You get the picture.

10. Did I mention it's a $600 car? That does NOT mean it's a $400 car, or a $500 car, or even a $550 car! THE PRICE IS $600, get it?

11. NO, I do not own a firearm. Yet.

If you've read this far, then you must be somewhat interested in the car, right? Be advised, I am in no mood to be trifled with after the 250 stupid phone calls I received over the weekend. That's right... 250 asinine people asking stupid questions like those above.

Ever dealt with a woman who can't laugh or sneeze without pissing herself or whose hot-flashes run about 500 degrees? Seriously. Do NOT poke the bear, as you do so at your own risk.

I am not going to post my phone number, as my Xanax prescription is empty and I cannot afford to have it refilled until this Friday. That being said, I do have twenty photos of the car from every angle, aspect, perspective and view which I would be happy to send to you via email...only AFTER I have determined that you are not another idiot.

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Cat Statue

craigslist > hartford >

Large Cat Statue

2011-03-26, 9:56PM EDT

Large Cat Statue made of porcelain and white in color. 8 feet tall and about 5 feet wide. The reason I am giving this away is because some neighborhood vandals have painted a rather large penis on the front of it.

Email me if you are interested.


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