Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Invention Of The Day: Strandebeests

I like this but if I saw one coming toward me on the beach, I might not like it so much.

Classic Craigslist Ad Of The Day: You Rule, Vietnamese Waxer Lady

best of craigslist > los angeles >

You Rule, Vietnamese Waxer Lady

Date: 2006-03-15, 3:44PM PST

My regular waxer was not available and I just could not bear the wild, untamed amazon bush jungle that my, well, bush had become for another day.

So I came to you on my lunch hour, Anonymous Vietnamese Waxer Lady who works at the cheapie nail place. We were mere strangers before this afternoon, but after knowing you only an hour, I feel like I must point out the reasons why you rule.

When it was necessary to get on all fours to do the taint part of the wax, you applied the wax so delicately to my bunghole, then asked, in what I assumed were two of the only five English words you know, "Too hot?" I responded yes, it was too hot. And without hesitation, you blew on it to cool the hot wax.

YOU BLEW ON MY BUNGHOLE, Vietnamese Waxer Lady. Do you know how special that is? Nobody blows on the bung. Nobody.

Since you were a bit clumsy with the wax, there were many bits leftover that did not get taken up onto the "Strip of Doom" as I like to call it. So without any sort of trepidation whatsoever, you happily took a cotton ball and dug the wax out of my vaginal canal yourself.

How did you manage to do that without making me feel the least bit uncomfortable, Vietnamese Waxer Lady? Were you a gynecologist back in Vietnam and they wouldn't let you practice medicine in the United States when you immigrated here, and so now you wax pubes for a living?

You just seemed to know my vagina so very well. Almost like you were two old friends, and I was this new acquaintance showing up to lunch with you and my vagina, but then was all like "Oh. I see you two have already met."

Since you don't speak much English, you had to motion to me where to place my legs in the air to best reach the "corner" as you called it. Most people would have been uncomfortable with their legs in the air and then having their butt cheeks spread further apart, mere centimeters from the face of a stranger. But you smiled at me and with a subtle expression, indicated that you, too, felt my pain.

You should give lessons to medical students, Vietnamese Waxer Lady, on how to have good bedside manner. Or I guess in your case, ass-side manner.

I thanked you with a good tip, but I want to thank you here, publicly, for your selfless action, and for doing your part on behalf of all humanity to keep my pubes under control.

Celebrity Gold-Diggers Of The Day

Not that kinda gold. The other kind.

Btw.. what's for lunch?

Matthew McConaughHEY, I got one!

Pam Anderson discovers that her brain cavity is empty.

Michael Keaton, looking for movie roles. Keep digging -- Multiplicity 2 is up there somewhere.

Good Will, Hunting

Marcia Cross. And you thought her naked pics were nasty.

Halle (looking for a) Berry

Kate Hudson. There's a Black Crowes joke in here somewhere.

Beckham bends it

Picky Hilton

This can't be!

LeeAnn Rimes - snack time!

"I'll be.. wrapped around your finger..."

Not a booger pick. She's looking for coke residue.

Video Of The Day: Paradise

If this isn't the worst song ever recorded, it's definitely in the top three. I remember hearing this on the radio with my sister and both of us laughing so hard we thought we would pass out.

Don't miss the spoken word bridge at 2:37.


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