Thursday, June 30, 2011

Back Tomorrow

No, I'm not dead. Family commitment today that I thought would end sooner than it did. Back on schedule tomorrow.

Thanks.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Pics Of The Day: WTF Comcast?

I want this job.

From WTF Comcast.

























Lots more at WTF Comcast.

80s Vid Of The Day: Funky

Just heard this one in the car and was kickin' it, yo. Glad my kid wasn't there, she'd a been yellin' at me to knock it off before we pulled up next to somebody she knew.

Jobs That Will Turn You Into A Dick (Of The Day)

From Coed Magazine.

DOCTOR

You’d think that someone whose profession revolves around making people feel better would be good at, you know, making people feel better. But if your experience has been anything like ours, getting some antibiotics usually involves being talked down to for the few minutes the doctor’s in the room and being reminded what a dumbass you are for not taking your omega-3s.

BILL COLLECTOR

You can’t really hold it against these tenacious sons-of-bitches for calling you all the damn time. It’s not their fault you didn’t pay off your student loans. After getting your voicemail for two years, you figure they’d catch the hint, but no--they keep calling. Until one day you answer, and they guilt you into coughing up $1,200 that you don’t have, which is why you’ve been ignoring them in the first place.

MUSICIAN

When you answer to nobody but your own creative instincts, your agent and a bottle of Jack Daniels, it’s pretty hard to not become a raging sh*thead. And if you’re extremely talented and/or successful the task of remaining a pleasant human being becomes that much more difficult. Luckily, most of us don’t have to deal with full-time musicians on a regular basis, so if they want to be an asshole while they crank out rockin’ tunes, so be it.

INSURANCE AGENT

Anybody who’s ever had to file an insurance claim knows what complete and total butt-munches insurance agents can be. If the deductible on your car is $1000, you can be sure that the estimate the agent gives you for that banged-in back door will be for something around $1,008.64, just to rub it in. And God forbid you try to get health insurance with a ‘pre-existing condition,’ because you won’t. Which is your fault, really. I mean, what kind of idiot goes out and gets sick?

(See the rest on Coedmagazine.com)

Crappy Music Video Of The Day

"I Don't Want To Be A Crappy Housewife." Just a crappy singer named Tonje Langeteig, who has been called "Norway's answer to Rebecca Black."

From Becky & Bart.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Simpsons Movie Homages Of The Day

A photoset. Simpsons cap + corresponding movie still. Good stuff from JoeyDevilla.com







Lots more here.

Classic Vid Of The Day: Kenny Rogers Jackass

Josh sent me this. I'd never seen it before. It's so stupid...and yet, I laughed. Then I laughed more. Then I laughed even more. Then I--wait a sec, that's not really Kenny Rogers, is it?

Enjoy.


Awesome Assorted Kenny Kreations Of The Day

So, I'm getting the impression that Kenny Rogers is a popular guy among... well, somebody. I don't get it. And I'm from the South, where most of this shit was no doubt kreated.


Kenny jacket. A must-have. Look at that Kenny stare. No one will dare sneak up on you.


Kenny on velvet. Post-stroke.


Kenny serving bowl. Holds two full cups of suck. Or cigarette butts.


Kenny poker game with chickens instead of dogs. You got to know when to bluff 'em, know when to stuff 'em, know when to fry 'em deep, and know when to broil.


Kenny coffee tumbler. Love will turn you around. If not, have more coffee.


Kenny drawring -- the Bloated Years.


Kenny notebook/journal/sketchpad. "Dear Diary, why does Grandma keep buying me shit from Goodwill?"


Kenny velvet #2. So lifelike.


Easy opening for that denim jacket or LSU hoodie!


"Not that I know anything about either of those."


Kenny watercolor. Or is that Slim Pickens?


"Kenny As The Gambler" cufflinks. Perfect for that black-tie affair.


"I Ate 17 Fried Whole Chickens In One Sitting" Kenny on velvet


Kenny guitar. Play it right -- Kenny's watching.


Kenny painting. Not sure if it's velvet, but Kenny's jacket is.


Kenny t-shirt, modeled by someone who called his 1-900 sex line.


Not enough Kenny for ya? Check out 26 Dudes Who Look Like Kenny Rogers.

Nature Video Of The Day

Snail vs. earthworm.

- Frank


Monday, June 27, 2011

Vid Of The Day: Soccer Mom Vigilante

Imagine what she would do if you messed with one of her kids. Don't miss the fence-pin near the end.

Famous ECT Patients Of The Day



ECT = electroconvulsive therapy = shock treatment. Because who doesn't love a good buzz? It should be noted that several of these folks later committed suicide, so I guess ECT doesn't work for everyone.

Arthur Alexander, Canadian singer
Louis Althusser, French philosopher
Sir Malcolm Arnold, British composer
Antonin Artaud, French playwright and actor
Clara Bow, American actress
Richard Brautigan, American poet
Dick Cavett, American talk show host
Kitty Dukakis, wife of politician Michael Dukakis
Thomas Eagleton, former US Senator from Missouri
Ralph Ellison, American actor
Roky Erickson, American rocker
Frances Farmer, American actress
Carrie Fisher, actress
Janet Frame, New Zealand writer
Connie Francis, American singer
Judy Garland, American actress
Naomi Ginsberg, Allen Ginsburg’s mother
Julie Goodyear, British actress
David Helfgott, Australian pianist portrayed in Shine
Ernest Hemingway, American writer
Vladimir Horowitz, Ukrainian pianist
Pat Ingoldsby, Irish poet
Bob Kaufman, American beat poet
Roland Kohloff, American timpanist
Olga Koklova, Picasso’s first wife
Seymour Krim, American author
Vivien Leigh, English actress
Oscar Levant, American pianist and composer
Robert Lowell, American poet
Spike Milligan, British comic
Paul Moravec, American composer
Jennifer O’Neill, American actress
Jimmy Piersall, American baseball player
Robert Pirsig, American author
Sylvia Plath, American poet
Cole Porter, American composer
Dory Previn, American singer/songwriter
Lou Reed, American singer
Paul Robeson, American actor and activist
Michelle Shocked, American singer
Yves Saint-Laurent, French designer
Edie Sedgwick, American actress
Andrew Solomon, American writer
William Styron, American writer
Gene Tierney, American actress
Townes Van Zandt, American songwriter/singer
Mark Vonnegut, Kurt Vonnegut’s son
John Wieners, American poet
Rose Williams, Tennessee William’s sister
Simon Winchester, British writer
Frank Wisner, CIA officer
Stevie Wright, Australian singer
Tammy Wynette, American singer

News Of The Day: Customer Forecloses On Bank

OMG. I love this so much, I think I just ovulated. From Time.com.



Homeowner Forecloses on Bank of America

by Tara-Nicholle Nelson • June 6, 2011

In a modern-day evocation of David’s slingshot triumph over Goliath, a couple of foreclosed homeowners in Naples, Fla., reportedly foreclosed on a Bank of America branch last week, their attorney actually having moving trucks pull up in front of a Naples branch to execute a foreclosure judgment against the bank.

What must have seemed to observers like a scene out of a parallel universe was actually the fair and logical conclusion to a situation which, the court had ruled, had an unfair and illogical start.

In 2009, retired police officer Warren Nyerges and his wife, Maureen Collier, paid $165,000 cash for their 2,700 square foot home in the Golden Gate Estates subdivision, and never took a mortgage out on it. So imagine their surprise when, in February of 2010, Bank of America initiated foreclosure proceedings against them.

The Nyerges hired an attorney, Todd Allen, to defend them against the wrongful foreclosure, and the bank eventually abandoned the matter.

But not before the Nyerges incurred $2,534 in attorney’s fees, which they requested informally from Bank of America multiple times before resorting to the courts, which ordered the bank to make the couple whole.

When
Bank of America still had not paid the judgment after five months of phone calls and letter writing by Allen and the Nyerges to the bank insisting that the court order be obeyed, Allen took the next step in the legal collection process, obtaining an order of foreclosure against the bank.

“They’ve ignored our calls, ignored our letters, legally this is the next step to get
my clients compensated,” Allen stated during an interview with CBS News.

Allen then reported to a local branch of the bank with sheriff’s deputies, who he instructed to remove cash from the tellers’ drawers, furniture, computers and other property.

Approximately one hour later, the Naples News reports, the bank manager produced a check for $5,772.88 to satisfy Allen’s fees and additional costs.

“We apologize to Mr. Nyerges that there was a delay in receiving the funds,”read the bank’s written statement to the Naples News. “The original request went to an outside attorney who is no longer in business.”

(Story continues on Time.com)

BS News Story Of The Day: Court Rules Woman Can Wank At Work

Talk about a story that smells fishy. From M24digital.com. Who? Exactly.



Court Ruling Allows Woman To Continue Masturbating At Work

BRAZIL, May 11, 2011 - A woman aged 36 was enabled by the justice to masturbate in her workplace because she has a strange disease.

This is the story of Ana Catarina Bezerra Silvares, an employee of an accounting firm, a divorced mother of three who lives in the village Vila Velha, EspĂ­rito Santo.

The woman suffers from a rare condition known as “compulsion orgasmic,” caused by a chemical alteration in the brain region of the cortex, which leads her to masturbate several times a day to relieve the deep anguish that it causes.

Under this circumstance, Bezerra started legal proceedings with the company where she works that eventually won and that enables to masturbate for 15 minutes every two hours, besides using the computer to see erotic images that stimulate her desire.

The Brazilian newspaper North Regiao reported that the woman confessed, “There was a day I had to masturbate 47 times”, adding: “I began to suppose that this could not be normal, and decided to seek help.”

Currently, Bezerra follow a treatment that includes a potent cocktail of sedatives that “only” took her to masturbate 18 times.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Vid Of The Day: Football Cops

I wish this were funnier, but I still like it.

News Of The Day: Amish Sex Scandal

From The Smoking Gun.



Amish Sexter Sought Buggy Sex With Girl, 12

JUNE 21--An Amish man who sent hundreds of sexually charged text messages to a 12-year-old girl was arrested last week when he drove a horse and buggy to an Indiana restaurant where he had arranged a rendezvous with the child, according to police.

Nabbed in an undercover sting, Willard Yoder, 21, is facing four felony counts for allegedly soliciting sex from the minor. Yoder, pictured in the mug shot below, is free on $20,000 bond.

In one text, Yoder told the girl that, “the proposed sex act would happen inside the buggy,” according to a Connersville Police Department report.

Yoder’s contact with the girl began with a random text sent to her phone. When the child’s parents learned of their daughter’s contact with Yoder, they took control of her phone and continued communicating with Yoder, who sent about 600 texts, as well as nude photos and explicit videos to the girl.

The parents then contacted the police, and officers took over the sting operation.

After arranging the Wednesday night meeting, cops staking out the restaurant reported seeing “the outline of a carriage type buggy pulled by one horse and what appeared to be one occupant.”

Investigators noted that Yoder, who was busted outside the eatery, was cooperative and “walked his horse and buggy around the building and tied it to a post outside.”

During questioning, cops reported, Yoder admitted contacting the girl’s cell phone “by chance” and “advised that he thought he was going to have sex with the girl,” whom he thought was 13.

Yoder also noted that he “realized that it was a bad decision and had never done anything like this before.”

Celebs Who've Been In Bar Fights (Of The Day)

From The Frisky.

KIEFER SUTHERLAND

Two years ago, Keifer Sutherland head-butted designer Jack McCollough at an after-party for the Met Gala. Sutherland says he was defending Brooke Shields, who the designer had knocked over in a rush. But Brooke said that didn’t actually happen.

PAZ DE LA HUERTA

Paz de la Huerta of “Boardwalk Empire” was arrested and charged with five misdemeanors after she punched model Samantha Swetra—who you may or may not remember from “The City”—at a bar in New York City in April. De la Huerta allegedly threw a glass that cut Swerta’s leg.

SHIA LEBEOUF

Shia LeBeouf ended up in handcuffs at an Los Angeles hotspot after getting into a brawl. Apparently, some dude called him a “f**king f**k.” A witness told Radar Online, “Shia then lunged but the other guy got the first punch in. He hit Shia hard in the face and split his lip.” The police rolled up quickly. “They handcuffed both of them and asked Shia if he wanted to press charges. He said no.”

See the rest at The Frisky.


Here are a few more I'm betting have been in a pub brawl or two. Call it a hunch.

RIP TORN


OLIVER REED

Oliver Reed will come back from the grave to fight you over who gets to suck the alcohol from the bartender's bar rag at the end of the night. And he will win.

VINCE VAUGHN

They get hard to eat after five or six.

SANDRA BERNHARD

I know she's been in at least one fight, because somebody did a number on her with the ugly stick. Don't know if it was in a bar or not.

COLIN FARRELL


REGINA KING

Regina don't play

STEVE BUSCEMI

Call him "Snagglepuss" and see what happens

AMY WINEHOUSE

Please

TYNE DALY

Do not fuck with Tyne Daly.

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