Wednesday, March 31, 2010

News Of The Day: Sorry I Sent You A Photo Of My Vag

Oops. Don't you hate it when this happens? I italicized my favorite line in the story.

From The Smoking Gun.


The Vagina Booking Logs

MARCH 31, 2010--A Florida woman claiming to have mistakenly sent a very revealing photo of her private parts to men she was chatting with on the Internet was arrested by sheriff's deputies last week and charged with battery after assaulting her boyfriend who had discovered the online activities.

According to an Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office report, while Kizzy Campbell was away from the home they share, Johnny Lowe came across some "very provocative" chat messages between his girlfriend and "'other dudes'" on their computer.

Checking more closely, Lowe, 28, looked at the outgoing messages and discovered that Campbell, 31, "had taken a photo of her vagina and sent it out."

When she returned home, "Campbell 'started tripping' because she 'hadn't meant' to send out the photo." Lowe, who told a sheriff's deputy that he believed her when she said that the image was sent out mistakenly, then gave Campbell a hug because "he was simply trying to be understanding."

But his empathetic gesture did not end her "tripping" and she responded by biting, scratching, and cutting his arm with a kitchen knife.

Over the course of the fighting that ensued, Lowe hit Campbell in the mouth and the couple, who have lived together for seven years, were both charged with battery and taken to jail where they posed for the below mug shots.




Crude Comedy Movie Clip Of The Day: Me

One of the better moments in the uneven Farrelly brothers' movie, Me, Myself & Irene. Even if you aren't a Jim Carrey fan (and I'm not), stay with it.

The premise of the movie, in case you never saw it: Charlie (Carrey), a milquetoast cop, develops an aggressive alter ego, Hank, who appears any time someone takes advantage of Charlie, with rude and hilarious results.


News Vid Of The Day: Death Penalty (NSFW)

From The Onion. NSFW - language.


Bathroom Graffiti Of The Day

I'm a huge fan of bathroom wall graffiti. I pee a lot, so I'm always on the lookout for funny commentary -- fresh stuff, not the same old, "Don't look up here for a joke, it's in your hand."

I saw one of my all-time favorites a few years ago:

"I Love A Rainy Night" by Eddie Rabbitt

(Verse 1)

I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night
Oh I love a rainy night
Yes I love a rainy night

(Verse 2)

I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night
How I love a rainy night
Oh I love a rainy night

(Verse 3)

I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night
Yes I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night

(CHORUS)

I love a rainy night
Oooh Oooh
I love a rainy night
Oooh Oooh
I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night.

Here are some good ones I found on the WWW.











































Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Newspaper Corrections Of The Day

From a highly entertaining article on Regret The Error, a National Press Award-winning blog on newspaper gaffes and corrections. Many more of these at the site.

Denver Post:

Because of a reporter’s error, Bill Husted’s column on Page 3B on Sunday contained an item about a tombstone for “Elway the Drug Sniffing Dog.” The tombstone was digitally fabricated for a blog and does not exist.

News Tribune (Washington State):

A photo caption on Tuesday’s Page A8 said a student was performing the Heimlich maneuver on a dummy. The student was actually playing around and pretending to choke the dummy.

The Independent (U.K.):

Further to the reference in the paper on 14 June to Rebekah Wade allegedly hitting her first husband, Ross Kemp, after a “drinking bout” with David Blunkett, Mr Blunkett has been in touch to correct the record: “the alleged ‘drinking bout’ was a cup of tea at 5.30 in the evening (with witnesses including Rupert Murdoch)… There was no ‘drinking bout’, I’ve never been involved in such a ‘drinking bout’ – with or without Rebekah Wade”.

Los Angeles Times:

Bear sighting: An item in the National Briefing in Sunday’s Section A said a bear wandered into a grocery story in Hayward, Wis., on Friday and headed for the beer cooler. It was Thursday.

The Guardian (U.K.):

A reply to a question in Notes & Queries yesterday recommended purchasing lion and tiger urine from Chester Zoo to stop neighbourhood cats from urinating in a vegetable patch (G2, page 17). Chester Zoo would like to forestall requests for its big cats’ urine: it asks us to make clear that it does not in fact sell either tiger or lion urine. Many years ago the zoo sold elephant dung, but it no longer does.

The Guardian (U.K.):

This article was amended on Tuesday 20 January 2009. In our entry on Garrison Keillor’s Lake Wobegon Days, we referred to a Prairie Ho Companion; we meant a Prairie Home Companion. This has been corrected.

New York Times:

An article on Aug. 2 about older alumni who have been helped by university career counselors referred imprecisely to comments by a 1990 graduate of Lehigh University who lost his job in February when his company was downsized, and a correction in this space last Sunday misspelled his surname. As the article correctly noted, he is David Monson, not Munson, and he was speaking generally — not about himself — when he said that newly unemployed people sometimes mope around the house in sweatpants.

The Guardian (U.K.):

A comment piece about achievement and frailty in the lives of artistic greats mentioned Wagner’s reminder to his favourite Vienna chambermaid to wear purple knickers next time they met. A Wagner expert points out that the pants in question were pink (To understand genius, forget the purple knickers, 19 August, page 28)

Toronto Sun:

A headline on page one of the Toronto Sun yesterday was both inaccurate and misleading. In fact, as the story reported, the mother of a boy involved in a high school fight in Keswick said her son “said something stupid.” She did not say nor imply he was stupid. The Sun regrets the error and apologizes to the boy and his family.

The Sun (U.K.):

IN a report on May 5, 2009, headlined “Riddle of Boruc, the brunette and his hair straighteners”, we claimed that Artur Boruc had brought two girls to the house he shares with partner Sara Mannei and had sex with one of them. We published a picture which we said showed him straightening one of the girls’ hair. We now accept the picture was in fact of Mr Boruc and his younger sister Paulina in Poland some years earlier, and that neither did Mr Boruc invite back nor have sex with either of the girls in our story. We apologise to Mr Boruc and Ms Mannei for any embarrassment caused.

The Sun (U.K.):

SURREY Police have not blamed gipsies for an attack on their force helicopter, no staff in their operations rooms were threatened by gipsies and no gipsy site was being targeted for a raid as we reported on May 14. We apologise for the mistakes and are happy to set the record straight.

The Sun (U.K.):

IN my column on August 22 I suggested that Sharon Osbourne was an unemployed, drugaddled, unfit mum with a litter of feral kids. This was not intended to be taken literally. I fully accept she is none of these things and sincerely apologise to Sharon and her family for my unacceptable comments. Sorry Sharon…

Daily Mirror (U.K.):

ON 17 July 2008 in our front page article “Ron the Lash” we falsely reported that whilst recovering from an operation to his ankle Cristiano Ronaldo had “gone on a bender” at a Hollywood nightclub where he splashed out pounds 10,000 on champagne and vodka and threw his crutches to the ground and tried to dance on his uninjured foot. We now accept that Cristiano did not “go on a bender”, did not drink any alcohol that evening, did not spend pounds 10,000 on alcohol, nor throw his crutches to the floor or try to dance.


Classic Comedy Movie Clip Of The Day: The Jerk (NSFW)

Contains a bit of foul language. From Movieclips.com.


The 10 Types Of Dead

From Maxim.com. They forgot "deader'n hell," which happens frequently here in the South.




















Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Grammar Patrol





best of craigslist > asheville >

Grammar Patrol


Date: 2010-02-02, 11:29AM EDT
I've been lurking for a while, but recently I've been too overcome by passion to remain in the shadows. Every time you post a correction to a previous post I get an enormous girl-boner. It's such a turn-on when you scour public listings looking for mistakes. Damn...is there anything hotter than pointing out the flaws of others?

I don't know your exact identity, but I've seen clues all over town. Like the little correction marks on bathroom stalls. I'll admit that I've overstayed my welcome in said bathroom stalls. Those little circles and hatch marks got me so excited that I just sat there and fingered myself while other patrons pounded the door.

You're right. That IS the wrong "your". Mmmmmmm....Bliss.

Sometime I want to meet you in person. I'll bring my red pen and we can print out Missed Connections and giggle about how fucking stupid everyone is. Then maybe later we can circle the freckles and blemishes on our bodies. The mistakes that make us ugly.

Make sure you get that big birthmark on my waist. If that was an English paper, I would never even pass Comp. 1. And the scar on my wrist is the equivalent of using a preposition at the end of a sentence. Fucking gross. I know you can fix me. Do they make White-Out in flesh tones?

You and I both know that proper grammar is the most important factor in someone's attractiveness, and with a little work I know we can go together like Robert Frost and a high school reading response. Baby, we were meant for each other.

Please thoroughly correct this post and send it back to me so I know it's really you.



PostingID: 1402815099


Monday, March 29, 2010

Vid Of The Day: "Lost" a la Saul Bass

Way cool. Saul who?


Vid Of The Day: Boobies & Kittens (NSFW-ish)

Now you're talkin'.


Guest Quiz Of The Day: Three Actors, One Role

A fine time-waster for movie lovers from your pal and mine, Elliott.




Some characters are timeless. Like Urkel. Some are so timeless, real or fictional, that more than one actor has portrayed the character historically. I believe the record I found was Santa Claus: over 600 actors have played the right jolly old elf in the history of film.

Here's a list of three actors who have played one common role. Can you guess the role? To make life a little more difficult, several actors show up more than once. Because they are, after all, actors.

1: Peter Cushing, John Pertwee, David Tennant

2: Ethan Embry, Johnny Galecki, Anthony Michael Hall

3: Dean Cain, Christopher Reeve, George Reeves

4: Barbara Stanwyk, Elizabeth Berridge, Ethel Merman

5: Val Kilmer, Robert Lowery, Michael Keaton

6: Kevin Costner, Robert Stack, Tom Amandes

7: Kurt Russell, Shaun Weiss, Bruce Campbell

8: George Lazenby, David Niven, Timothy Dalton

9: Kirk Douglas, Val Kilmer, Douglas Fowley

10: Burt Lancaster, Kevin Costner, Kurt Russell

11: Edward Hermann, Alan Cumming, Jon Voight

12: Sean Bean, Ivor Salter, Kirk Douglas

13: Milla Jovovich, Jane Wiedlin, Ingrid Bergman

14: Janet Brown, Steve Nallon, Sylvia Syms

15: Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Audrey Hepburn, Olivia de Havilland

16: Bengt Ekerut, David Carradine, Orson Welles

17: Cary Elwes, Kevin Costner (again), Red Skelton

18: Peter Cook, Elizabeth Hurley, Max von Sydow

19: Jeanne Moreau, Greta Garbo, Dita von Teese

20: Sarah Bernhardt, Cate Blanchett, Miranda Richardson

Answers later


Classic Movie Clip Of The Day: Spinal Tap

Oh, it's the zipper.


17 Specialty Dating Sites Of The Day

There really is someone for everyone, I guess. Almost. Some of us are still waiting for Chickenfuckers.com.



StachePassions.com

Tagline: "It's all about the 'stache."

Clientele: Men with quality lip fur and the women who love to brush up against it. Apparently, there aren't so many. The site has slightly less than 700 members.

Our take: Mustaches are making a comeback. And though they may never reach their mid-'80s, Tom Selleck and Keith Hernandez level of popularity, we can see this as a growing trend in niche dating.

(See the rest on Switched.com)


Refreshingly Direct Sign Of The Day: Showers

No beating around the bush here. Or in the showers. I wonder what "semen-related costs" are, exactly? No, on second thought, I don't wanna know.

From Bev.



WTF? Music Video Of The Day: Paloma

How does a song like this get made? Seriously. A band sits around brainstorming and someone -- I'm guessing the recorder player -- says, hey, I have the idea for a song with a lot of recorder solos and other lame shit in it, and everyone says, oh yeah, that sounds like the bomb-diggity?

On the other hand, if the legendary Slim Whitman covers your tune, you must be doing something right.

Btw I once had glasses just like the drummer's. The girls threw themselves at me. With explosives strapped to their bodies.

From Jody.



Friday, March 26, 2010

Asshole E-Mail Of The Day

Another classic from E-Mails From An Asshole. This guy makes me laugh.


Original ad:

Free Graphic Design Needed

I need someone who wants to do some graphic design work to design an ad for my business in the local newspaper. Would look great for your portfolio. Email me if you can help. Thanks, Lucy.


From Me to Lucy:

Hey there,

I am just starting my career as a graphic designer and have helped design several ads featured in various magazines. I would be happy to help you with your ad. Can you tell me what you had in mind?

Thanks,

Mike


From Lucy to Me:

Hi Mike! I own a new hair salon for men called Sporty's Haircuts. The ad will be 2 inches by 4 inches and featured in the local newspaper. We don't have a logo or slogan. The ad simply needs to say the name of the business, and our address and phone number:

124 South ****** Ave
(***)-***-****

It needs to be attention-grabbing and also include a graphic related to haircuts. I don't have any images so you will have to design them. Please don't have anything boring (i.e. a graphic of scissors.)

Thank you so much for your help!

Lucy


From Me to Lucy:

Sounds good, Lucy. I'll get back to you within a day with the proposed ad for your review.


From Lucy to Me:

Great. Thank you Mike!


From Me to Lucy:

Lucy,

I have attached the first draft of the ad. Please let me know what you think.

Mike

Attachment:




From Lucy to Me:

Mike, I don't completely understand the ad. Could you please explain what you were going for with that graphic?


From Me to Lucy:

Lucy,

It is a man admiring his new haircut while a woman is crouching down to clean up the hair clippings on the floor below him.

Mike


From Lucy to Me:

Oh. That's not what think when I look at it. It looks very suggestive to me. Why is "downtown" and "service" in quotes?

From Me to Lucy:

How is that suggestive? The only thing it suggests to me is that I will be getting a very admirable haircut and quality service. The fact that the woman is already cleaning up the hair clippings while the man is still in the chair suggests that your store is quick, efficient, and clean.

Downtown is in quotes because it is short for Downtown *******, and I put "Service" in quotes to suggest that you will be getting much "more" than a haircut, such as helpful employees, great deals, and friendly smiles. If you do not offer great deals or friendly smiles, then I apologize for the mistake and will remove the quotes from around "Service." Otherwise, I don't understand what your problem is with the ad.

Mike


From Lucy to Me:

Cut the BS, Mike. You know exactly what you did. Are you going to keep wasting my time or design the real ad?


From Me to Lucy:

Lucy, can you please explain why you are unhappy with the ad? I can't make changes if you are being so vague about everything. Would you like me to have the woman holding scissors and a hair comb?

Mike


From Lucy to Me:

Leave me alone.


12 Kids Who Killed TV Shows

How do you know when a TV series is in trouble? When they add a new character, especially a kid, in a pathetic attempt to boost sagging ratings.

That's why an entire section of JumpTheShark.com, "New Kid In Town," is devoted to characters that its readership believes represent the "jump the shark" moment -- or one of the moments, at least -- for a series. JTS readers nominate and vote on various jump moments for each show.

FOLOTD Dianna suggested I list some of the more notable ones, so that's what I did. The quotes in italics are from JumpTheShark.com readers (with errors left intact).



Seven (Shane Sweet) on "Married... With Children"

The addition of Seven in season seven (1992) beats even perennial show-killer Ted McGinley as top vote-getter for the jump-the-shark moment, although the hit series would last another four seasons after Seven joined the cast.

"If Married... With Children jumped the shark, it was the 'new kid in town' Seven that did it. Not Ted McGinley. And not Steve's 'exit... stage left.' Seven made no sense."

"I think this show got BETTER and FUNNIER with the addition of Ted McGinley, which might be a first."



Cousin Oliver (Robbie Rist) on "The Brady Bunch"

Oliver joins the cast near the end of season five (1974) and appears in only five episodes before the plug is pulled on the Bradys forever.

His episodes are among the worst of the entire series, and include at least one -- the hair tonic episode -- that was so lame,
Robert Reed refused to appear.

"Oliver is and always will be the demise of The Brady Bunch. He was an utter annoyance. I watched The Brady Bunch religiously as a child and once I saw Oliver on the show, I knew it was over."

"In some ways, Oliver must be revered as being one of the founding fathers of Jump the Shark history."


Olivia (Raven Symone) on "The Cosby Show"

Olivia joined the cast in season six (1989) as the step-daughter of Denise (Lisa Bonet) when Bonet returned to the Cosby cast full-time after a break to do "A Different World."

"... (Olivia) was such a ham that it became really annoying. Sorry, but nobody wanted to watch an entire episode about her wanting to go to the zoo instead of to church with some wise old woman named Gramtee. And what the hell is a gramtee anyway?"


Sam (Danny Cooksey) on "Diff'rent Strokes"

Cooksey appears in season six as the son of Mr. Drummond's love interest, Maggie (Dixie Carter), then both join the show as regulars in season seven (1984), just in time for ridiculous "very special" storylines about custody battles, kidnapping, epilepsy, mugging, paralysis, and other mirth. The show lasts only one more season.

"Definitely jumped when Sam joined the cast, and I agree with the previous poster, the acting was HORRIBLE! The lines were stuff adults MIGHT say, but kids never..."You'll have to excuse my brother..." "Ms. Chung, as class president, may I say a few words?"...kids don't talk like that..."

"One of the biggest jumps was after Sam arrived, he and Arnold had a competition selling ROACH SPRAY...in their luxury apt bldg on the Upper East Side..."



Stephanie (Danielle Brisebois) on "All In The Family"

Stephanie was added at the beginning of the show's ninth -- and final -- season (1978) after Mike and Gloria depart at the end of the season prior. She then joins the cast of "Archie Bunker's Place" after "All In The Family" ends.

JTS readers actually voted Mike & Gloria's departure as the top "jump the shark" moment of the series, with Stephanie's appearance coming in at #2, and I'm inclined to agree. I think it even jumped a little when baby Joey was born.

"AITF obviously jumped when Mike & Gloria moved away. That final show of the season (when Edith & Archie are just sitting in their chairs after a brief cry) should have been the finale for the show. No Archie Bunker's Place, no Stephanie (gag!) & no lumbering on after that episode."


Albert (Matthew Laborteaux) on "Little House On The Prairie"

Charles & Caroline Ingalls move to the city and adopt street urchin Albert at the beginning of season five (1978). The series would continue for four more seasons, so you can't really say Albert killed it. Personally, I think Mary going blind was the final nail in the coffin. Speaking of, Michael Landon dying didn't help, either.

"The show was at its best before Albert came onboard. I never much cared for the 'moving to the big city' episodes, but I sincerely wish the Ingalls had never decided to drag Albert's sorry butt back with them to Walnut Grove. It was Albert who started this show on a downward path of no return."

"There was one continuing plotline that was so ridiculous -- Charles' and Caroline's penchant for adopting every stray urchin to happen across their path. WTH? This family which is always on the brink of ruin what with the hailstorms destroying the corn and the mill in perpetual bankruptcy somehow expand their family every season."


Luke (Leonardo DiCaprio) on "Growing Pains"


Homeless teen Luke Brower appeared late in season six (1991), then joined the cast full-time in season seven in a last-ditch effort by producers to save the dying show. It didn't work. "Growing Pains" was moved to Saturday night -- TV's graveyard -- to make way for newer series, then cancelled at the end of the season.

But it was the appearance of another kid, Chrissy, a season earlier that gets more votes from JTS readers as the series' jump moment.

"Talk about a real ZERO addition to the show. Some successful doctor and his ‘perfect family’ is going to take in a ‘homeless’ kid? How believable is that? Apparently the state where the Seaver’s lived did not have a foster care system."


Ricky (Ricky Seagall) on "The Partridge Family"

Precocious 4-year-old Ricky was added at the beginning of season four, as the hit series' ratings declined and star David Cassidy started whining about the rigors of fame and fortune and talked openly about leaving the show. "The Partridge Family" was cancelled at the end of that season.

We watched this show and I don't even remember this little twerp. I do remember poor fugly Danny Bonaduce growing out his hair into some sort of giant red pelt. Now, could someone please point me in the direction of Albuquerque?

"I thought the show was okay until Ricky Segall (who unbeknownst to many, changed his name to "Ted McGinley" when he got older) came on the scene. Oh look everyone, Ricky's here to sing and wave his head back and forth like a pigeon on Prozac. Everyone's ear plugs in place?"



Vicki (Jill Whelan) on "The Love Boat"

Vicki came aboard in season three as the daughter Captain Stubing never knew he had. She was added not because of sagging ratings, but because producers wanted younger viewers (what, kids don't like Charo and Bert Convy?!).

More JTS readers cite the addition of Ted McGinley as photographer Ace in season seven was the real show killer, but honestly, although I loved it as a kid and it has sentimental value for me, "The Love Boat" jumped the shark the moment it aired. It was terrible. I tried to watch it recently and couldn't make it past about four minutes.

"The Little-Orphan-Annie, red-headed, freckle-faced thing got worse with puberty, so the jump extends into the puberty category, as well."

"The Love Boat jumped the shark before it even left port. I guess there was a great white circling the waters there in Long Beach (or wherever it supposedly sailed from) that got run over by the Pacific Princess on her maiden voyage."


Jeremy (Ralph Macchio) on "Eight is Enough"

Macchio, as Abby's rebellious nephew, Jeremy, joins the Bradford household in the show's fifth and final season, and gets the second highest number of votes as the shark-jumping moment of the series. Number one? The addition of Susan's baseball-star husband, Merle the Pearl (Brian Patrick Clarke), in season three.

Right on. Merle sucked. I remember. We loved the show until he came along, then it got insufferably lame. They had eight kids for chrissakes! It's not like they were hurting for characters.

"
Actually, four would have been enough."

"'There's a plate of homemade wishes on the kitchen window sill...' is actually drug-speak for a plate of homemade hashish brownies. i know i had to be high to watch this show. i blame "eight is enough" for the failed war on drugs."



Chachi (Scott Baio) on "Happy Days"

Oh, Spinderfella won't like this one.

Fonzie's greaseball, sleeveless-shirt-wearing cousin Chachi Arcola appeared in season five, became a love interest for Joanie, and later joined Richie's band on drums.

A tiny number (74 votes) of JTS readers think that Chachi was the jump point for "Happy Days"; I guess they forgot about FONZIE JUMPING A SHARK on water skis in season five, the scene that created the whole idea of "jumping the shark" in the first place. Hello?


And if that wasn't it, Richie leaving the show two seasons later surely was.
And don't call me Shirley.

"Live studio audience - Fonzie living at the Cunningham's - Richie using more and more "slogans" - Chachi ---- all indicitive of a show on the way out and leaving bad memories."


"The worst thing was the emergence of the Fonzie character. This short little skinny weasel couldn't scare anyone in real life and they had big tough guys backing down from him. Sometimes 2 and 3 guys would run away. What is he? like 5'6 and 150 pounds?"


"when joanie went from a NOSY LITTLE SISTER TO A FRIZZY HAIRED SLUT WITH A BIG BUTT"



Penny (Janet Jackson) on "Good Times"

Abused child Penny joins the cast in season five when the Evans' friend and neighbor Willona (Ja'Net DuBois) adopts the abandoned girl.

Her appearance is just the sixth most popular reason for the show jumping the shark; JTS readers vote the departure of the dad, James, Sr. (John Amos) after the season one as the top reason.

I guess I agree -- we watched this -- but I also recall that the show started to suck when everything became about J.J. and him saying "DY-NO-MITE" 27 times in every goddamn episode.

"How the hell did she get that role, anyway? Was she the only one who auditioned?"


"I liked the show much better after they got rid of loud mouth James, the father. All the man ever did was fight & yell. The episode where they get the telegram that he was killed, made my day."


"Good Times jumped a whole tank of sharks: Penny...when James Evans "died"... Florida leaves, then comes back...annoying studio audience: Yelling, "Right On!" or "Mmm-Hmmm!" whenever a scripted black injustice was brought up..."

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails