Monday, December 29, 2008

Commercial Of The Day: Centrum

Strip poker is lame. That's right: lame. It's a great idea in theory, but lame in practice. Why? Because women always quit when it's time to take off anything vital. You could have eight guys wearing nothing but socks and a grin, and a woman won't even get down to her underwear. Please.

Or maybe I've just been playing with the wrong people.

Yuks from Andy and Sharon.


Celebrity Aptronyms Of The Day

Their names are their jobs. From a series of Photoshop contests on

Keira Knightley

Will Smith

Elton John

Tori Spelling

Patrick Stewart (steward)

Sigourney Weaver

Penelope Cruz

Orlando Bloom

Natalie Portman

Minnie Driver

Lucy Liu

Hugo Weaving

Edward Norton

Gary Coleman

Frank Zappa

Angry Movie Patron Of The Day

I have a new hero. I don't blame this guy at all. I've wanted to shoot people who talk or answer their goddamn phone in the movie, too. Inconsiderate people must die.

Benjamin Button is nearly three hours long. If any of this man's children are under 12 or 13, he deserved a bullet.

On the bright side, all of those involved were given a coupon for a free small popcorn on their next visit to Regal Cinemas. And, because I am a considerate guy, I called Mr. Lomax at home to tell him how the movie ends. I figure he probably won't be going to any more movies for a while.


PHILADELPHIA – A man enraged by a noisy family sitting near him in a movie theater on Christmas night shot the father of the family in the arm, police said.

James Joseph Cialella, 29, of Philadelphia, faces six charges that include attempted murder and aggravated assault. He remained in custody Saturday.

Police said Cialella told the man's family to be quiet, then threw popcorn at the man's son. The victim, whom television reports identified as Woffard Lomax, told police that Cialella was walking toward his family when he stood up and was shot.

Detectives called to the United Artists Riverview Stadium theater in South Philadelphia found Cialella carrying the weapon, a .380-caliber handgun, in his waistband, police said. Lt. Frank Vanore called the incident "scary that it gets to that level of violence from being too noisy during a movie."

Lomax, 31, of Yeadon, was released from a hospital after the shooting. He declined to comment when contacted by phone Saturday. (He should've declined to comment in the movie theater. He might not be leaving a hospital now.)

Police could not confirm what movie was playing in the theater, but The Philadelphia Inquirer reported that it was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

By the way, production has already begun for the porno version of the movie, The Curious Face In Benjamin's Butthole.


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