Thursday, December 11, 2008

Federal Government Application Of The Day

It'd be funnier if it things weren't so damned scary right now. From Vanity Fair and my homey Don, who was in 'Nam and had a lovely time.

Animals Squashed Against Glass (Of The Day)

A great photo list from Jocelyn in Canada and BestWeekEver (more photos at the link).

I'm not 100% sure, but I think that's Sharon Stone

That looks like MatterOfFactMommy. The woman, I mean.

Book Of The Day: Assisted Loving

From Very Short

If you get your news at 6:30 every night from Brian, Charlie or Katie — and patiently sit through all the pharmaceutical ads — then you’re well aware that men are staying active (nudge, nudge) much later in life than ever before. Which can be a mental path you’d just as soon avoid if you don’t relish thoughts of your parents in that way (and if you do, ew).

In his sweetly comic Assisted Loving: True Tales of Double Dating With My Dad, Bob Morris writes about being an accomplice to his widowed 80-year-old father’s return to the dating scene. The odds are stacked in Joe Morris’s favor — greatly outnumbered by women, any senior gentleman is considered a catch if he still drives at night. Morris the younger smartly counterpoints the amusing senior moments with tales of his own search for love in New York City.

A disquieting and unfortunate jacket photo (that ain’t actually Joe) belies the book’s thoughtful tone and message. Look beyond it — as the author does when confronted by the sight of his lonely father nuzzling the neck of an 86-year-old dame: “It’s not pretty. But in a way, it’s just beautiful.”

Buy it here:

Kids' Song Of The Day (NSFW)

I can relate. NSFW for language.


I think this is from Chappelle's Show.

Link Of The Day (video)

It's that time of year again. I bet no one here can top my ill moves.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards


Bands With Stupid Names Of The Day



The story: Former Jane's Addiction frontman Perry Farrell came up with the name while watching coverage of the LA riots on television. Presumably while masturbating.
Why it sucks: Isn't pornography for pyromaniacs pretty much the same as porn for everyone else?


The story: Lead singer Chad Kroeger was having trouble coming up with a name, and so approached his brother, who worked at a Starbucks. Coffee was $1.95, which meant every customer who paid two bucks got — waiiiit for it — a nickel back!
Why it sucks: Asking cashiers at franchise coffee shops for career advice can only end in tragedy.


The story: Explanations range from the name being the title of a song to the drummer seeing the word "matchbox" and the number 20 on a guy's shirt in a restaurant. Either way, shut the f*ck up, Rob Thomas.
Why it sucks: If you're going to pick a band name that's nonsense, it should at least sound cool (Soundgarden, etc).


The story: Singer Joe Elliott thought of the name Deaf Leopard while he was in school (presumably while failing something). The spelling was later changed so the band didn't become confused with punk bands (who are known for their flawless spelling).
Why it sucks: There's simply no excuse for including a word in your band's name that means you can't hear. You might as well just call yourself Shitty Music and save people the trouble of mocking you.


The story: The 1993 Missouri River flood left the band's practice space a muddy mess, which led them to this name — instead of the far better one, Missouri River Flood.
Why it sucks: Not only do we get an extra "d" for no reason, we also get an altogether unnecessary word. No, it couldn't just be Mudd Puddle. We definitely need that extra "of." Just like when you're ordering lunch and get a sandwich of tuna with chips of potato.


The story: Who cares.
Why it sucks: They're "of" Athens, Georgia.


The story: The band found the name in an issue of True Detective Magazine after a club owner balked at their original and equally dumb name The Sex Maggots.
Why it sucks: Say it out loud. There's your reason. Sure, it might have seemed like an ironic name back when you guys were young and confident that you'd always rock the fuck out, but now you're on adult contemporary radio, and your name reminds people of the gurgling mess in the back seat that brought their youth to an abrupt end.


The story: A British act decided to come up with a band name even more ironically detached than The Band, just to piss off Robbie Robertson.
Why it sucks: Try Googling their name.


The story: Named after the Smiths song, "Panic," which includes a line about a disco burning down. Note that this offers no explanation whatsoever for the extraneously lame exclamation mark.
Why it sucks: Much like their contemporaries in the whine-rock genre, the title utterly fails at being either cute or intelligent, and is instead simply annoying. At least Fall Out Boy is a Simpsons reference.


The story: Rumor has it that the name comes from the title of the masturbation game in which a bunch of scholars stand around a biscuit and ejaculate onto it. The last guy to do so has to eat the biscuit. So, in a metaphorical way, the American public has been losing this game every time Limp Bizkit released an album.
Why it sucks: Limp Bizkit intentionally misspelled their band name, because that's phat with the kids. Fred Durst apparently thought that naming his band after a game played by lonely, pimply-faced masturbators was just a little too intellectually haughty, so he dumbed down the spelling for us.


The story: A group of British "anarchists" with strong political opinions needed a band name that resonated with the passion of their views, and so picked a gibberish word that means nothing.
Why it sucks: Rage Against the Machine might be a little trite for a band name, but at least it gets the point across. Chumbawamba's only political statement to date is "Tubthumping," which takes the controversial stance that it's incredibly fun to get shitfaced.


The story: In an interview, here's what the band's vocalist, Doug Robb, had to say about the name: "It's really cool, it's one of those old high school inside-joke words that didn't really mean anything."
Why it sucks: Actually, Doug Robb, it's not really cool. If you're going to name your band after a high school inside-joke word that doesn't mean anything, why not use a word that doesn't sound like something you'd shout if you had to wear a helmet all the time and licked the windows on the short bus.


The story: The name is taken from a comment in an Eric Idle monologue on a Monty Python album. This, then, is the musical equivalent of the A/V club nerds who recited the "Knights Who Say Nee" sketch over and over.
Why it sucks: You can have the bitchin'-est music in the world, but as soon as the DJ says your name, the game's over.


The story: There are competing origin stories for the name of Russell Crowe's band, but, in the final analysis, no one gives a rat's ass.
Why it sucks: In Crowe's excitement over coming up with a gimmicky band name that suggests he can't sing, and in his band mates' excitement to agree with that name lest he pummel them with whatever household object was nearest at hand, the boys apparently forgot to make Foot plural. Oh, and it sounds like a gay porno title.


The story: The band is named for two of singer Darius Rucker's college choir friends, nicknamed "Hootie" and "the Blowfish" because one looked like an owl and the other like a blowfish. Interesting note: That choir was named Darius the Black Guy & The Two Ugliest Dudes on Campus.
Why it sucks: In a word: "hootie." In four: "hootie," "and," "the" and "blowfish." We now know from scientific studies performed in 1998 at Cambridge that there isn't a single aspect of Hootie and the Blowfish's name that doesn't invite you, the listener, on a subconscious simian level, to punch each of them in the face until they agree to change it.


The story: Because the band members apparently wanted to spend every single interview talking about their name, they came up with the dumbest one they could think of.
Why it sucks: Because it's clearly just the result of opening the dictionary two times and using the first word one of the guys pointed to. Unfortunately, one of the words happens to be "loaf," as in "meat" or "pinching a." So people hear your name and think about their mother and/or taking a dump. Good thinking, guys.


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