Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Movie Clip Of The Day: National Lampoon's Van Wilder

From the "Gone Wilder" DVD edition of the film. Never saw it. Never gonna. Still... this amused me. You know what they say about small minds.



Vid Of The Day: Squirrel Sandwich

Wow. Perhaps these two forgot that squirrels are rodents.

From Regan, who walks through the woods and talks to squirrels, birds, mice and other enchanted forest creatures ever since she found that patch of funny-tasting mushrooms.

Not recommended for PETA types.


Fucking. Disgusting. Pssst, lady - squirrels don't really like nuts after they're dead.

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Be My Nemesis

A good one from DM, who says, "I think I would be GREAT at this job."

So would I. I'd just take his $350 and disappear into the night. How's that for a nemesis?

best of craigslist > SF bay area > Nemesis required

Nemesis required

Date: 2008-05-07, 2:49PM PDT

I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance.

But somethings missing. I feel like I'm old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again.

An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis.

I'm willing to pay $350 up front for your services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when I'm running to catch the BART and occasionally whisper in my ear, "Ahha, we meet again." That kind of thing.

Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconspicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred.

Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.

British accent preferred.

  • Compensation: $350 up front
PostingID: 672031640

103 Celebrity Jailbirds Of The Day

From CelebrityCowboy.com. I can't vouch for the accuracy of all these, and some of these fugnuts have more arrests than are listed here. But you get the idea.
  1. O.J. Simpson - murder, armed robbery, kidnapping
  2. Paris Hilton - DUI
  3. Jack White (The White Stripes) - aggravated assault
  4. Britney Spears - hit and run
  5. Lindsay Lohan - DUI, cocaine possession
  6. Mel Gibson - DUI
  7. Christian Slater - assault
  8. Tawny Kitaen - spousal abuse
  9. Hugh Grant - lewd conduct (caught with a prostitute)
  10. Johnny Cash - drug possession
  11. Bill Murray - driving a golf cart while drunk
  12. Vince Neil - vehicular manslaughter
  13. Anna Nicole Smith - DUI
  14. Hank Williams, Jr. - assault
  15. Larry King - grand larceny
  16. Vanilla Ice - assault
  17. Yasmine Bleeth - drug possession
  18. Lou Rawls - assault
  19. Kimora Lee Simmons - marijuana possession
  20. Nicole Richie - DUI
  21. Robert Downey, Jr. - drug possession
  22. Frankie Valli - skipping out on a motel bill
  23. Kid Rock - assault, alcohol-related offenses
  24. Michael Jackson - child molestation
  25. Tracey Gold - DUI
  26. Glenn Frey - drug possession
  27. Tommy Lee - assault, inciting a riot
  28. Trey Anastasio - DUI, drug possession
  29. Steve McQueen - DUI
  30. Nick Carter - DUI
  31. Jay-Z - aggravated assault, carrying a concealed weapon
  32. Sean “Diddy” Combs - gun possession, assault, bribery, others
  33. Haley Joel Osment - DUI, marijuana possession
  34. Charles Barkley - assault
  35. John Popper (Blues Traveler) - marijuana possession
  36. Amy Winehouse - marijuana possession
  37. Jennifer Capriati - marijuana possession
  38. Kirsten Storms ("General Hospital") -DUI
  39. Natasha Lyonne - DUI
  40. David Faustino ("Married... With Children") - marijuana possession
  41. Tonya Harding - DUI, conspiracy
  42. Rick Allen (Def Leppard's one-armed drummer)- assault
  43. Kiefer Sutherland - DUI
  44. Jude Law - assault (on paparazzi)
  45. Uncle Kracker - sexual assault
  46. Leif Garrett - drug possession
  47. Rip Torn - DUI
  48. Daniel Dae Kim ("Lost") - DUI
  49. Winona Ryder - shoplifting
  50. Kristy Swanson - assault
  51. Jeffrey Jones (Ferris Bueller's Day Off) - solicitation of a minor for sexual purposes
  52. Pete Doherty - numerous drug-related offenses
  53. Shemar Moore ("The Young And The Restless") - DUI
  54. George Clinton (Parliament) - drug possession
  55. Scott Stapp (Creed) - reckless driving
  56. Phil Spector - murder
  57. Macaulay Culkin - drug possession
  58. Tom Sizemore - drug possession, assault
  59. Ty Pennington ("Extreme Makeover") - DUI
  60. Brian Bonsall ("Family Ties") - assault
  61. Naomi Campbell - assault
  62. Bobby Brown - assault, DUI, many more
  63. Ray Liotta - DUI
  64. Joshua Jackson - assault
  65. Ryan O’Neal - assault with a deadly weapon (on his son)
  66. Yanni - domestic abuse
  67. Snoop Dogg - drug possession, firearms, more.
  68. Dudley Moore - spousal abuse
  69. 50 Cent - drug dealing
  70. Boy George - drug possession
  71. Al Pacino - carrying a concealed weapon
  72. Nick Nolte - DUI
  73. Frank Sinatra - adultery
  74. Ja Rule - gun and drug possession
  75. Foxy Brown - assault
  76. Michael Vick - animal cruelty
  77. Rush Limbaugh - "doctor shopping" to acquire prescription drugs illegally
  78. Wynonna Judd - DUI
  79. Ted Nugent - violating fire code by shooting a flaming arrow onstage
  80. Don King - murder, arson, selling drugs, weapons possession, manslaughter
  81. Bill Gates - failure to produce a driver's license
  82. George Carlin - disorderly conduct, obscenity
  83. Dennis Hopper - reckless driving, leaving an accident scene
  84. James Brown - spousal abuse
  85. Jane Fonda - drug smuggling, assault on a police officer
  86. Keanu Reeves - DUI
  87. Matthew McConaughey - resisting arrest, marijuana possession
  88. Vince Vaughn - assault
  89. Glenn Frey - drug possession
  90. Pee-Wee Herman - public masturbation, possession of child pornography
  91. Woody Harrelson - disorderly conduct
  92. Mischa Barton - DUI, drug possession
  93. Zsa Zsa Gabor - assault on a police officer
  94. David Crosby - handgun possession
  95. Sid Vicious - murder
  96. Mick Jagger - fighting with a photographer
  97. Tim Allen - drug possession, DUI, dealing drugs
  98. Nikki Sixx - inciting a riot
  99. Dennis Rodman - felony burglary
  100. Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots) - assault, drug possession, DUI
  101. David Bowie - marijuana possession
  102. Mickey Rourke - spousal abuse
  103. Glen Campbell - DUI

Yearbook Yourself Photos Of The Day - Updated

(I got a few more pics from readers, so I updated the post. New pics at bottom.)

Is it hot in here, or is it just you guys?! Some of you played around with YearbookYourself.com, and here are the results.

Wendy in CA, circa 1994, 1960 and 1978. I'm partial to the 'fro, myself.

Dr. Toni in the early 60s. "Coffee, tea or me?"

SGM, 1974, looking like a Breck girl

Lynda and her boyfriend, Larry

The nearly disembodied head of Lyndsay...

... and her pal Dmitry, between takes on the set of Mad Men.

Where were you in '82? Meg was at the mall, getting her hair done.

Sara in 1970, showing off the pearl necklace her husband just gave her.

The many looks of Ms. Daisy

DM, or, as I like to call her, Ol' Shroomhead

Courtney x 3. All hot, but once again I gotta go with the 'fro.

Laura, who loves glasses and, apparently, nuclear fallout.

Tracey. Only her hairdresser knows for sure (what the fuck she did to her bangs).

Me in 1990. I lost my chin in the war. I lost my tooth at a bar.

Babs Peapod, drinking at lunch again.

Chris' husband, stylin' through the years -- all of them bad.

Chris' son, who needs to get more sun.

Keva as (clockwise from top left) Shirley Hemphill/Maskatron, Rosa Parks/Maskatron, Mrs. Paschal (my first grade teacher) and an early Diana Ross.

From Hutchlover, a pic of her man Hutch, who asks you not to give up on him, baby, just because he's wearing a really crappy turtleneck.

Christine in '60, '68 and '82, sporting the popular "penis head" 'do that several of you chose. I think it's a subconscious choice.

And a final collage of me through the years, illustrating why I never have to dress up for Halloween.

Vid Of The Day: Great Timing

Drunk guy jumps off bridge... sort of. Wait for it.

From Paul and FunnyOrDie.com -- and I think we just saw the "die" (not really - I'm sure the dude's a-ok).
Actually, I'm not really sure of that, but let's just pretend he is.


It's been said before, and I'll say it again. Don't drink and dive.


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