Monday, June 16, 2008

Vid Of The Day: Triumph At Westminster

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog makes a return visit to the Westminster Dog Show. He got kicked out the year before.


Bad Studio Portraits Of The Day

(Originally posted 9/07)

Total frickin' awesomeness from Olan Mills, Sears and other fine portrait studios.

Those glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne.

Thoughtful Lance. Mirthful Lance. Two sides of a delightful coin.

Drake won Bitchin'est Senior Mullet by a landslide.

That dude wore a tie for nothing.

The Purvis family made several stops along the Oregon Trail to document their six-month journey. This photo was taken just two weeks before the dysentery took Momma to Jesus.

I wanted a shot like this for my wedding. The Mrs. said no.

It's called a leisure suit, ladies and germs, and if you didn't have one in the early 70s, you were a big fat loser. Mine was teal. I wore it with a silk floral shirt and a long necklace with a football player pendant that we all got at that year's team banquet. I was THE MAN.

It's a vagina, madam, not a clown car.

Olan Mills backdrop #4: Bucolic Meadow with Split Rail Fence. Is that an animal carcass behind her?

Gene had always secretly wanted to lay hands on Chet

Picture day at the asylum

Butt-cut, wings and earmuffs. Classic 70s hair. And that shirt reeks of Chess King.

Oh, this is super. What better way to capture the charm and innocence of a child than to plunk him down amid the coarse trappings of a life lived in pursuit of wealth -- oversized bills, an adding machine and the Wall Street Journal -- and make him sit inside a briefcase? (They probably just fold up the little demon right in there to carry him home.) The finishing touch is the globe, which completes the portrait of the young Antichrist in Club Room vest and Red Goose loafers, plotting his takeover of the world (insert maniacal laugh). That is, as soon as someone changes his poopy diaper.

Bobbi isn't the first waitress to fall for her manager, but she and Dale both got fired from Sonny's.

Rejected Toby Keith album cover.

Just a typical afternoon down on the plantation. In a business suit. Y'know, for a budget meeting with the slaves.

This photo isn't discolored. The 70s really were that yellow.

And don't miss the First Presbyterian Players as they perform "Godspell" next Wednesday night in the Fellowship Hall. Childcare will be provided. Please bring a covered dish.

At the Southern Baptist Convention?

Olan Mills Backdrop #11: The Library, one of their most popular themes, as seen in this photo of the young Unabomber and his wife.

The Library might be more believable if the shelves weren't sloping downhill

Olan Mills is all about versatility. The simple addition of a column turns this generic plantation into Tara, where, apparently, someone opened a Hair Cuttery. (This Dorothy Hamill cut was very popular in 70s after Doro won Olympic gold. Both my sisters had the cut at different times. I did not -- although I did have a huge crush on Dorothy).

Patrick broke ranks and chose drag over the bow tie

You'd think Pearle Vision would throw in another two pairs for free.

Kenneth and his prom date

"The Damned"

I got a 20 that says he drives a Camaro.

Hiroshima, 1945. The last known photo of Kelli and SeƱor Loco.

The Brown family. From Beige-jing.

Someone spent money on this.

It's so cute when couples have matching hairdos

Talk about a third wheel...

Nothing says 1973 quite like denim and helmet hair

I'd hide my face, too, little girl

B-52's, the early years.

Pioneer Woman and her add-a-beads... distracted by the Blue Light Special announcement coming in over the K-Mart loudspeaker.

Got any bad portraits of your own? Olan Mills, Sears, Glamour Shots, Hot Shots, senior portraits? Send them in for possible inclusion in a new book of awesomely bad portraits to be published in the near future.

News Story Of The Day: Black Guy In Corvallis

From Keva, who writes, "I just found a summer job!"

‘Black Guy’ booth livens up Corvallis Saturday market

Corvallis Gazette-Times
May 31, 2008

The booths at the Saturday Corvallis Farmers’ Market have a wild mix of fresh produce, tasty food, plants and flowers.

But this week, a table just outside the bazaar offered something more bizarre — “Meet a Black Guy.”

Those who participated in the free service could chat with 21-year-old Corvallis resident Jeff Oliver, and get pictures taken with him.

“It’s a statement about diversity in Corvallis. It’s not a very diverse place,” said Oliver, a lifelong Oregonian. He hoped to promote understanding, break stereotypes and perhaps even provide a comedic moment for hundreds of people strolling along the riverfront.

The booth drew a mixed reaction, however.

“I think this is hysterical. The entire market’s great,” said Jeremy Stand of the Bronx, who was in Corvallis to visit family. Oregon, in general, is a pretty Caucasian place, he said.

Sherry Littlefield of Corvallis said the booth was unnecessary. She and friend Ron Naasko said they have black friends, and would be voting for Barack Obama for president.

“I guess I don’t care what color people are. Either you’re a jerk or you’re not,” Littlefield said.

The idea for “Meet a Black Guy” came from Sean Brown, a Linn-Benton Community College student and a co-worker of Oliver’s at the Darkside Cinema.

Brown didn’t know if he and Oliver would be back next week. But if they are, a sign also will say, “Meet a Jewish white guy,” Brown said.

“There’s a lot of churches here. Not a lot of temples.”

Via The Corvallis (OR) Gazette Times

Vid Of The Day: TOJW

A rerun for the noobs. A cable spot I once did for The Outlaw Josey Wales. No, it didn't air.


Guest List: Engrish Subtitles

Cheastypants sends this funny list from her blog (which she took from Sam's blog, linked below). I thank them both.

I stole this off another blog (hi, Sam!), so first off, I'd like to say thanks.

These are actual English subtitles from movies made in Hong Kong, and this list is probably one of the funniest things I've read in a while.

1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

3. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

4. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

5. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

6. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

7. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

8. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

9. I have been scared shitless too much lately.

10. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

11. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

12. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

13. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.

14. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.

15. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.


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