Saturday, February 9, 2008

80s Song Of The Day

Still a great tune. Who remembers it? The entire album is terrific.

It's .m4a format - let me know if you have trouble opening it. Should open the same as .mp3

Roxy Music

I Want Your Bad Portraits

Got any bad studio portraits of yourself? Want to be in a book?

I've been asked by a publisher to create a book of bad portraits with captions, similar to the Olan Mills and Glamour Shots posts here. If you want to be in it, send me your pics.. Olan Mills, Sears, Hot Shots, Glamour Shots, etc. If your photo is chosen for inclusion, you'll be notified with details.

The badder, the better! And yes, you'll be made fun of.. but no one has to know it's you. I'm submitting several of my own godawful teenage photos for consideration.

If you've already sent me pics, let me know if you don't want them considered for the book.

Hit me:


The 50 Worst Artists In Musical History, #1-19

An abridged version of the 2003 list from I've already posted #20-50, so here are the rest. They're on the money for 11-19, but the wheels come off in the top 10. Asia in the top 10? No way - they were bad, but not Top-10 bad. Ditto Kansas. Top 20, maybe, not Top 10.

Giving male sensitivity a bad name — one song at a time
Fogelberg was blessed with a gift for vacuously pretty melodies, with the added annoyance of bad lyrics.
Appalling fact His 1982 hit “Run for the Roses” smelled of horse manure, and it was in fact about the Kentucky Derby.
Worst CD Twin Sons of Different Mothers (with Tim Weisberg) (Full Moon/Epic, 1978)

With his clean white bucks, he made rock & roll safe for ’50s nerds
Back before blue-eyed soul, Pat Boone made a career out of watering down ’50s R&B hits.
Appalling fact In 1977, his daughter Debbie topped the charts with “You Light Up My Life.”
Worst CD In a Metal Mood (Hip-O, 1997)

He rapped, he co-owned
As silent co-owner of the hip-hop magazine The Source, Benzino embarrassingly ordered extensive feature coverage of his 2001 debut album, The Benzino Project. It didn’t work: The album sold fewer than 75,000 copies.
Worst CD The Benzino Project (Motown, 2001)

Artless art-rock
Singer Danny Elfman went on to become one of Hollywood’s most in-demand soundtrack composers. Before that, he led this ostentatiously orchestrated L.A. group that began its career
surprise! as a performance-art troupe.
Worst CD Only a Lad (A&M, 1981)

Fabio meets Tesh!
As a member of the Greek national swimming team, 14-year-old Yanni Chryssomallis broke his country’s national freestyle record. But instead of bringing further glory to his homeland, he began his quest to offer wretched New Age twaddle to legions of taste-challenged Americans.
Worst CD Yanni Live at the Acropolis (Private Music, 1993)

Big on solos, short on songs
Swedish guitar show-off Yngwie Malmsteen won kudos for his playing speed, but his noodling hard rock has scored increasingly minuscule returns.
Appalling fact Malmsteen’s 1983 show at London’s Marquee club sold out in minutes because of unsuspecting Bruce Springsteen fans who thought they were attending a secret gig by the Boss.
Worst CD Concerto for Electric Guitar and Orchestra (Ranch Life, 1999)

Even Bill Wyman laughs at Mick’s solo records
Given the roll call of A-list rockers who have appeared on the Stones frontman’s four solo ventures, even a tone-deaf 6-year-old could have produced something you’d want to hear twice, or at least once.
Appalling fact In his native U.K., Jagger’s latest solo release, Goddess in the Doorway, sold just 954 copies on its first day of release.
Worst CD Goddess in the Doorway (Virgin, 2001)

David Bowie’s darkest (non-acting) hour
In 1989, having presumably become bored with excelling at pop, glam-rock and funk, chameleon David Bowie decided to demonstrate that he too could be really, really bad. The result: Tin Machine.
Appalling fact The band’s roadies wore T-shirts that read FUCK YOU, I LIKE TIN MACHINE.
Worst CD Oy Vey, Baby (Victory, 1991)

The least talented Jackson
Her voice may be thinner than Janet’s and her charisma dimmer than Tito’s, but her eyebrows uncannily resembled Michael’s, and for a short, confusing time in the ’80s, that was enough to earn Latoya a record deal.
Worst CD From Nashville to You (Mar-Gor, 1994)

The sound of eunuchs sobbing
In the early ’80s, the Australian duo’s gutless ballads — music so remorselessly fey it made Journey sound like Danzig — sent a generation of jilted lovers toppling into depression.

Worst CD The Christmas Album (Arista, 1987)

Gives patriotism a bad name
“Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel,” Samuel Johnson said, but in the case of Lee Greenwood, who recorded the overwrought "God Bless The USA," it’s the ultimate meal ticket for a Nashville hack.
Worst CD You’ve Got a Good Love Comin’ (MCA, 1985)

The white boy to end all white boys
You know that yearbook photograph you won’t let anyone see? Imagine it was a horribly dated number-one single called “Ice Ice Baby,” and you get an idea what life is like for Rob Van Winkle.
Appalling fact Widely denounced by hip-hop fans as a phony, Ice rebuffed his detractors at the 1991 American Music Awards: “Kiss my white ass!”
Worst CD Hard to Swallow (Republic, 1998)

Ridiculous album sleeves, virtuoso playing, soulless rock
Asia’s music turned out to be exactly the sum of its parts: former technicians from King Crimson, Emerson, Lake & Palmer and Yes. The union promised the most self-important prog-rock melded with the limp-wristed worst of AOR, and they delivered.
Appalling fact To this day, keyboardist Geoff Downes is happy to offer Asia’s mission statement: “To play music that is panoramic, symphonic and rock at the same time.”
Worst CD Astra (Geffen, 1985)

Beware all bands named after states or continents!
Their folksy 1977 hit “Dust in the Wind,” a tractor-size fiddle player and a guitarist in bib overalls suggested pioneer-spirited rural rockers, but Kansas’s music was a noxious fusion of Jethro Tull and Yes, appealing only to male sci-fi bores.
Appalling fact A feature of their live shows was roadie T. Rat, who would come onstage in a trench coat, top hat and clown mask. Then he would disrobe and dance butt-naked.
Worst CD Point of Know Return (Columbia, 1977)

They built this city on rock & roll. And crap!
In 1985, Starship rose like a phoenix from the ashes of once-mighty psychedelic overlords Jefferson Airplane/Starship — but only if, by phoenix, you mean “ultra-lame, MTV-pandering purveyors of MOR schlock.” Best remembered for “We Built This City,” they were also responsible for “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now,” a song bad enough to appear on the soundtrack of the “comedy” Mannequin.

Worst CD Love Among the Cannibals (RCA, 1989)

This guy really blows!
Hated equally by jazz and rock fans, Kenny Gorelick’s limpid instrumentals and obsequious cameos helped turn the soprano sax solo into pop music’s most feared cliché.
Appalling fact He graduated magna cum laude from the University of Washington with a degree in accounting.
Worst CD Classics in the Key of G (Arista, 1999)

Otis Redding died for this?
Bolton looked like the hero of a cheap bodice-ripper, which was enough to earn him a fervent audience for his over-emoted power ballads. Unfortunately, his greatest desire was to sing R&B oldies, which he went through like Sherman through Georgia.
Appalling fact After losing a plagiarism suit to the Isley Brothers, Bolton tried to avoid paying them royalties by buying their publishing house.
Worst CD Timeless: The Classics (Columbia, 1992)

Welcome back, my friends, to the second-worst band in history!
“Boasting” former members of the Nice, King Crimson and — yes! — Atomic Rooster, the less-than-super ’70s supergroup favored bombastically reinterpreted classical works — with bewilderingly successful results.
Appalling fact Singer-bassist Greg Lake performed on a $10,000 Persian rug that roadies vacuumed before every show.
Worst CD Love Beach (Rhino, 1978)

They sound even stupider than they look
Two trailer-trash types who wear face paint, pretend to be a street gang and drench cult devotees in cheap soda called Faygo, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope are more notorious for their beef with Eminem than their ham-fisted rap-rock music.
Appalling fact While appearing on The Howard Stern Show in 1999, Shaggy 2 Dope told Sharon Osbourne to “buff my pickle.” She declined.
Worst CD The Wraith: Shangri-La (D3, 2002)


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