Monday, June 30, 2008

Clip Of The Day: Patrick Stewart On HBO's "Extras"

Best show ever.

Then & Now: Grown-Up Child Stars Of The Day

Some should have stayed young.

Danica McKellar ("The Wonder Years") - WOW!

Justin Henry (Kramer vs. Kramer)

Erin Moran ("Happy Days")

Jeremy Miller ("Growing Pains")

Melissa Gilbert ("Little House On The Prairie")

Adam Rich ("Eight Is Enough")

Mayim Bialik ("Blossom")

Lisa & Louise Burns
(The Shining)

Peter Billingsley (A Christmas Story)

Mindy Cohn ("The Facts Of Life")

Robbie Rist ("The Brady Bunch")

Tina Yothers ("Family Ties")

Brandon Cruz ("The Courtship Of Eddie's Father")

Lisa Whelchel ("The Facts Of Life")

Brian Forster ("The Patridge Family")

Kim Fields ("The Facts Of Life")

Danny Lloyd (The Shining)

Melissa Sue Anderson ("Little House On The Prairie")

Brian Bonsall ("Family Ties")

Danielle Brisebois ("All In The Family")

Jonathan Taylor Thomas ("Home Improvement")

Elizabeth McGovern (Ordinary People)

Classic SNL Clip Of The Day

A forgotten (at least by me) classic from Nikki.


Helpful Article Of The Day: Build A Relationship With Your Hamster

It's an age old question we've all been asked by a friend, family member, co-worker or stranger on the street: How can I build a relationship with my hamster?

Well, Big Lew has found the answer for us in this thoughtful and exhaustive article from the minds at Wikihow. Thanks, dude!

Hamsters and their owners should have a well-founded relationship with each other. You need to build a relationship with your new pet, or it won't be very happy.


1. Pick your hamster very carefully. Find one that bonds and connects with you. You'll probably connect with all of the ones in the store, but try and find one that seems extra happy to be with you.

2. Make sure your hamster has a neat and clean home that they cannot escape from. If it escapes, you have no hamster.

3. Let it get used to its surroundings. When you bring your hamster home leave it in its new cage for a little bit and watch it to see how it reacts to its surface and living space.

4. Spend time with your hamster. Once it's settled into its home, make sure to have time alone with it and take it out of its cage. It is recommended that you walk with your hamster between your feet down the hallway or in the house; but take care to give it room to walk -- don't have your feet too close together.

5. Clean its cage every week. Give it fresh straw, water and toys regularly.

6. Give your hamster treats to show it how much you love it. Hand feed them to it as well, so it remembers that you gave them to it.


* Love your hamster and it will love you back.

* Treat your hamster if its your own child; care for it.

* Make sure your hamster is safe and loved and you'll have the best relationship you can possibly have with it.


* Do not let your hamster out of sight.

* Don't feed your hamster too many treats, they are not always good for it.

* Do not stuff the hamster up your ass. They don’t like this. (Wikihow left this one off, so I added it.)

Happy hamstering!

Vid Of The Day: Feedbag


New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

15 Celebrity Mullets Of The Day

From Tracey and my pals over at

15. Richard Dean Anderson

You can request a "MacGyver-style" cut just about anywhere in the world, and the barber will know what to do.

13. Florence Henderson

Despite Florence Henderson's Brady-est effort, the mullet never caught on with the gals like it did with the fellas.

10. David Faustino

Legend has it that "Married With Children" producers encouraged Faustino to grow out his mullet to distract the audience from noticing he was a good foot shorter than even the female members of his television family

8. Hulk Hogan

Remove the bandanna, and it is revealed to be a skullet, but the skullet is an important member of the mullet family.

6. Kiefer Sutherland

If Jack Bauer had a mullet, he would use it to torture confessions out of terror suspects.

5. Michael Bolton

"How are we supposed to live without Michael Bolton's mullet?" We ask ourselves that question every time we see the crooner's sleek new coif.

4. Chuck Norris

It gets somewhat obscured by all of his other great powers, but Chuck Norris has been rocking a first-class mullet for decades now

2. Patrick Swayze

The years 1984-1991 can be defined by three words: Patrick Swayze's mullet. Anyone who disagrees obviously wasn't there.

For the rest, see the full list at

Sunday, June 29, 2008

8 Celebrities Whose Obituaries CNN Has Already Written

(from July 2007. Lilo's been quiet lately, so they can replace her with Amy Winehouse.)

Hilarity from

When noteworthy (read: attractive and/or wealthy) people die, news agencies like CNN are duty-bound to report it, particularly if the deceased had especially large breasts. And, since waiting until news happens to write the article about it is so 1983, CNN and other agencies often write celebrity obituaries long before those celebrities are technically "dead." (Wikipedia even has an article dedicated to premature obituaries, with a special shout-out to CNN, who went the extra mile and actually published a few obits before the famous people in question had actually, y'know, died.)

The upside of pre-writing obituaries, of course, is that when someone like George Burns finally died, the staff at CNN just filled in the dates on their pre-existing Mad Lib of forced solemnity and published it, giving them more time to surf Digg for other breaking news.

Today, is pulling back the coffin lid on a few celebrity obits that CNN has almost certainly written prematurely for one reason or another.

8. Courtney Love

The former Mrs. Cobain is a known abuser of drugs, alcohol and, through her various attempts at music, our ears. Given her ongoing state of strung-out forsakenness, we wouldn't be surprised if Love's obituary, as a rule, is slated to run as a top headline on CNN every single day … only to be pulled just as regularly at the last minute when CNN's Official Courtney Love Correspondent (Wolf Blitzer) reports that, amazingly, she's hung on yet again.

Instead of waking to an alarm clock, Love has two live-in paramedics plunge a needle full of adrenalin into her heart each morning.

What the Obituary Probably Says
Love, whom some have called "the Yoko Ono of a grungier era," will be survived by a generation eternally grateful for her passing.

7. Magic Johnson

Earvin "Magic" Johnson is generally heralded as one of the best basketball players of all time. Some CNN reporter undoubtedly wrote Magic's obituary back in 1991, when Johnson first announced that he had contracted HIV (Magic, not the reporter--as far as we know). Of course, back in the early '90s, it was generally assumed that HIV stood for "He'll Immediately (be) Very (dead)," so that poor reporter is probably still waiting for his first big CNN piece to get published. On the upside, though, at least the reporter doesn't have AIDS.

Magic's obituary probably hasn't been touched since it was first written in 1991, which may make some of it seem a bit dated.

What the Obituary Probably Says
AIDS, a disease which only affects homosexuals and animals, is rumored to have targeted Johnson because of his role as one of the only good black basketball players ever.

6. "Iron" Mike Tyson

Tyson has attempted suicide by BMW, threatened to try again, battled clinical depression, had bouts with various forms of chemical dependence, found himself in millions of dollars of debt despite a career haul of more than $300 million and got in more street brawls than the characters from Double Dragon. As anyone who's heard his post-fight interviews knows, violence is the only language Mike speaks (it sure ain't English). That's fine and good when you're a 21-year-old who can kill anyone in the world with puffy mittens on your hands. But when you're a depressed 40-year-old alcoholic who owes millions of dollars to the sort of people that surround professional boxing, let's just say that the enormous guy knocking at your door probably isn't a life insurance salesman.

You know the tattoo that covers more than half of Iron Mike's face? It's pretty goddamn stupid.

What the Obituary Probably Says
Mike Tyson, former eater of ears, has suffered his final KO. Also, Mike Tyson was a bit of an asshole, something we can say now that he's dead and unable to pummel us.

5. Lindsay Lohan

You know what we like about La Lohan? It's not that she likes to drink and drive and snort cocaine. It's how she does it almost rhythmically, over and over again, with no regard for the law or her career (neither of which gets much respect these days anyway). Lindsay's upcoming untimely death will, unfortunately, sully the pantheon of dead, over-addicted celebrities—including Jon Belushi, Chris Farley, and Kurt Cobain—because she'll have managed to do the "fatal overdose" without being awesome.

Although she hasn't yet, Lindsay's career actually died several years ago.

What the Obituary Probably Says
Lindsay Lohan is dead at 22. Twenty-two being both her age and the number of illegal drugs found in her system during the autopsy.

4. Phyllis Diller

Known to many as "The Methuselah of Comedy," Diller is one of the few members of this list to have been born before the invention of reality television. Diller actually died eight years ago; her body hasn't had the heart to tell her, especially since she was fitted with a pacemaker back in 1999. Fun fact: Most Americans can't tell Diller from Joan Rivers, nor would they necessarily want to.

The STD "syphilis" was, surprisingly, not named in her honor.

What the Obituary Probably Says
While doctors are still waiting on the results of the autopsy, they say the likely cause of death was being really, really old.

3. Roy Horn (of Siegfried and Roy)

When a tiger tries to rip your head off, it generally succeeds ...u nless you're able to withstand its attack through the powers of magic, like Roy, one-half of that Ambiguously Gay, German Duo, Siegfried and Roy. Whether Montecore, the tiger, was truly trying to attack Roy or merely use him as a Pez dispenser remains a matter of some dispute. What can't be disputed, however, is that CNN is still ready to publish their Roy obituary the second he finally takes a Lufthansa flight to the Great Wienerschnitzel in the Sky.

When Montecore, the tiger, attacked him, it was the first time Roy had ever had his face directly in contact with pussy.

What the Obituary Probably Says
Roy Horn has finally, finally, finally, finally, FINALLY succumbed to injuries sustained when he was attacked by a tiger. (And no, "tiger" was not his pet name for Siegfried.)

2. Abe Vigoda

Abe Vigoda's death has been erroneously reported more frequently than he soils himself, which is to say, two to three times a day. If you had a dollar for each time Vigoda's appeared at a comedy roast, and made the in-no-way-depressing "I'm not dead yet" joke, you'd actually have earned more money than Abe has pulled down in the past three years of his "career." CNN's obituary team reportedly monitors regularly for up-to-the-minute data on the status of Abe's pulse.

Abe Vigoda's face appears to be made entirely of testicle skin.

What the Obituary Probably Says
A hospital spokesperson told reporters that Vigoda died of "Phyllis Diller Disease."

1. Dick Clark

For years, "America's Oldest Teenager" was presumably preemptive-obit-less, his entire career built around his reputation for eternal youth. Then, he had a stroke. We could almost hear the cries of "Oh, SHIT!" ring out in newsrooms around the globe. CNN quickly assembled their Dick Clark tribute, which they expect to run soon after his next stroke.

Interestingly, the nickname "America's Oldest Teenager" when self-ascribed, is not permissible evidence when being tried for the statutory rape of a bitchin' hot 16-year-old.

What the Obituary Probably Says
Come New Years Eve, Dick Clark will still be rockin'—but in his grave.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

MILFs Of The Day: Over 40 And Hot

Because 40 is the new 30 hottie. I don't know who's had plastic surgery, or how old some of these pics might be, but every one of these beauties is supa-fine (and totally do-able) in my book. If you're expecting Demi Moore to be here, don't. She's not. I can't stand her.

Diane Lane - 42

Halle Berry - 41

Sherilyn Fenn - 42

Julianne Moore - 47

Phoebe Cates - 44

Maureen McCormick - 51
(Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! How I loved you....)

Mariska Hargitay - 44

Peggy Lipton ("The Mod Squad") - 61

Sela Ward - 51

Michelle Pfeiffer - 49

Whitney Houston - 44

Susan Sarandon - 61

Marisa Tomei - 43

Angela Bassett - 49

Cheryl Ladd - 56

Gina Gershon - 45

Monica Bellucci - 43

Dana Delany - 51

Jean Smart - 56

Jane Leeves - 46

Catherine Keener - 48

Salma Hayek (and friends) - 41

Virginia Madsen - 46


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