Friday, February 29, 2008

Video of The Weekend: I.F.H. Monday's

This is the last post until Monday. I need to spend the weekend catching up on life. Feel free to peruse the archives until I return with new stuff on Monday. Happy weekend - and my heartfelt thanks to all of you for reading LOTD. You make it fun for me to do.

I leave you with this gut-buster from Rebecca and FunnyOrDie.com.



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Video Of The Day: Yatta

CollegeGirl sent me this. I forgive her. Yatta is Japanese for "gay as fuck."

Celebrities Without Makeup

Many thanks to Amanda for the idea.























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Baffling School Photo Of The Day

Uh. Ok.


The photo is from Kurt M., who writes, "A friend of mine showed me one of her school pictures last month when I went to visit her in Ottawa, Canada. I saw it and after I stopped laughing (which took a long time) said, "This is totally the type of thing that would be on List of the Day."

Kurt's (anonymous - can you blame her? ) friend explains her pic: "I am still trying to figure out if, by letting me keep this photo without retakes, my parents were cruel, clever (blackmail material), or had a great sense of humour. Cozy is a hand puppet that I got for Christmas at age 7. I was so proud. It's a shame that the photo cuts off the Cosby-style sweater he is wearing, which my mom knit for his own proportions (his skinny arms were about 45 cm each!). This photo has been posted on friends' fridges and walls for many years now, and has provided hours of laughter."

ROTD: Worst Cover Ever

Rerun of the day. I try to post this every month or so. Why? Out of compassion, because, as LOTD reader Noreen pointed out to me, the definition of compassion is "to suffer with someone." So let's all watch this and suffer together. (The blonde singer is Anastacia.)


Guest List: Movies I Watched Too Young And/Or Embarrassingly With My Parents

I read this on Elisabitch's Twisted Princess blog and asked her if I could reprint it here. Why? Because it's dadgum funny, that's why.

The Blue Lagoon - I was 7. We had HBO. This was one of my favorite movies. Enough said.

Sixteen Candles - 7. Still with the HBO, could have been worse, but still slightly out of my age range. What’s a birth control pill?

The Woman in Red - 7. I don’t know why I remember this, but Willy Wonka and the she-robot from Weird Science are in it. Not age appropriate, and I don’t want to see Willy Wonka try to get laid. Everlasting gobstopper? We’ll see about that.

Terms of Endearment - apparently I watched a lot of movies at 7. This wasn’t so much inappropriate as emotionally over my head. But I still cried balls when Debra Winger kicked. So did my mom.

Risky Business - 8 or 9. Tom Cruise was so innocent and dreamy then, before he turned into a creepy little scientologist. “Joel, get off the babysitter.”

Revenge of the Nerds - 8 or 9. I still remember their lame little song for the Lambda Lambda Lambda talent show or some shit. Good times.

The Breakfast Club - 9 or 10, I loved this movie, but I didn’t understand why it was rated R since there was no nudity. I didn’t understand most of it until later, and I certainly didn’t know what they were smoking.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High - 10, under the influence of my older sister and her friend. Learned how to give a blow job from Jennifer Jason Leigh and the carrot. Didn’t know what Judge Reinhold was doing in the bathroom when Phoebe Cates walked in.

Fatal Attraction - with my dad around 9. He got all fidgety and nervous when they started fucking on the kitchen sink. Then he got up and left. It ruled.

The Exorcist - with my dad around 10 or 11. On Easter of all days, having to watch Linda Blair fuck herself with a crucifix. WITH MY DAD (AND EASTER BASKET) RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

Road House - in the theatre with my mom at 12, due to a crush on Patrick Swayze at the time. Thank you, Dirty Dancing. Way too advanced for my age. Oh, and the part where Patrick Swayze rips that dude’s throat out: Aces. That wasn’t traumatizing at all.

Warrant - Cherry Pie video - not a movie, but worth mentioning. 12 with my dad. Slutty Mrs. Jani Lane/Bobbi Brown. Ugh, so many things wrong with this. He also liked that Sam Kinison video with Jessica Hahn, probably because she’s wearing nothing but suspenders and silicone. Ick. I drew the line at Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith.

Heathers - saw it at 12. Getting old enough, but really, probably shouldn’t have seen it yet. My sister taped it off HBO for me on VHS, and the tape eventually wore out. This was my favorite movie for years, and I still love it. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

Pump Up the Volume - in the theatre with my mom at 13, due to a crush on Christian Slater at the time. Pretty much the whole movie was mortifying with my mom there.

Sex and the City, the “funky spunk” episode - not a movie, but worth mentioning. A few years ago, with my parents. Ugh, it doesn’t matter how old you get, some things are still off limits with parents. Spunk? What’s that? What’s a blow job? I wouldn’t know.

Knocked Up - a few months ago, with my parents. “THAT’s how you get pink eye.” And all the sex. Did I mention that some things are still off limits with parents? Sex? What’s that?
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Thursday, February 28, 2008

Video Of The Day: SCTV + Michael McDonald

Hilarious. From TheMovieGuru.

Video Of The Day: People In Order

I'm afraid of getting old.

Helpful Chart of The Day

From long-time LOTD reader Elizabeth ("E"), an informative chart to help men deal with hormonal women. Chocolate trumps wine in my house, although wine is never turned away. Beer works too. So does hiding in the basement. Or staying at work so she doesn't have to look at my "STUPID. FUCKING. FACE!!!" (Just kidding, dear. Lubs you. Promise. No, really.)

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Obnoxious Vanity Plates

Is that title redundant? Aren't all vanity plates a little obnoxious? And then there are ones like these...

A great idea from LOTDer Jenny L., who can beat you at arm-wrestling.

"Just drop me off here, Mom. I'll walk the rest of the way to soccer practice."

But He doesn't break.

I see Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer got some new wheels.


Penney?


The only guy on the road who wants to be rear-ended.


Have you met "A55 ORGY"?


Corn. Hi, Corn. You car is dirty, Corn.

...refuse to ride anywhere with you.

Yes, Mr. Vice President, your new plate is very funny.

I'll take "License Plates That Describe What Their City Smells Like" for $200, Alex.

Fear the PWNER! Eater of noobs!

In his sexy van. Has a date every night with his sexy hand.

In a Beemer. Get it? OMG! ROFLMAO!!

The "DORK" plate was taken, huh?


I can almost hear the Foreigner blasting from her 8-track.

To be, or not to be... an idiot.




Clearly. (And no, you can eat me, Mr. Genuis.)

But not ambitious enough to find a show-off word that would actually fit.

And finally, one plate that says what I'd like to tell all these people...



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Freaky-Ass PSA Of The Day

Jason H. sends this très bizarro PSA from Canada, with this explanation: "There was a long-running debate here over whether Quebec (mostly French-speaking, of course) should be defined as a "distinct society" in our constitution. It's cooled off lately, but I'm sure it'll flare up again someday. If it ever does, here's the best evidence I can find for the "yes" side: a truly awesome ad for the Montreal Metro from the mid-70's. You don't need to speak français to get a laugh from this one. And to think, it was designed to encourage public transit."

Thanks, Jason. This is the stuff of cauchemars.


Torture Music

Looks like Mother Jones found the answers to my Hell's Jukebox question. Thanks for the link, Spinderfella. Some of the songs (and song names) are offensive, so listen at your own discretion.

The Torture Playlist
By Justine Sharrock
February 22, 2008

NEWS: Music has been used in American military prisons and on bases to induce sleep deprivation, "prolong capture shock," disorient detainees during interrogations—and also drown out screams. Based on a leaked interrogation log, news reports, and the accounts of soldiers and detainees, here are some of the songs that guards and interrogators chose.

(edit: to see the list and hear the music, click here. Be aware that the music plays automatically when you open the link, and, as Catherine points out, it is loud and obnoxious. But that's just the first song. You need to see the list because it's funny. The "Barney" theme is on it, for example.)

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Video Of The Day: 99 Words For Boobs

One for the guys. Lots of skin here, but it's mostly PG-13.. a few nips here and there.

God bless you, Jimmy T. This could be the best thing I've ever seen on the web. Well, not really, but it's certainly in the top 20.

Classic TV Show Open of The Day

From Season 1, before they whittled down the cast. I forgot about Molly being in this.



The open I remember, from a few seasons later. Thank god they didn't let Charlotte Rae sing anymore.

Mensa's 10 Smartest TV Shows Ever

Oh, this is rich. First of all, the list is from the head of Mensa -- one dude -- not the membership. I bet they are pissed, too, because Jim's picks are lame-o, and his comments sound like the words of someone recovering from a head injury, not the head of Mensa. Read on. You'll see.

The head of genius organization Mensa has picked the 10 smartest TV shows of all time — sparking debate in the blogosphere, especially over the inclusion of the 1990s sitcom "Mad About You."

Jim Werdell, chairman of Mensa International, selected the shows after being posed the question by Fancast.com (while his head bandages were being changed).

“They weren’t pure comedy, mystery or action,” Werdell said. “They tended to be shows that dealt with issues in the world, and from my perspective that’s considered smart. Some sitcoms reach a higher level of intellect than others, and you can say the same about some of the dramas. The stories may be cliché, but the characters and dialogue are smarter. (I'm glad he cleared that up for us.)

1. M*A*S*H – "It had smart repartee and was so much more than a comedy." (True. It was an overrated comedy with one small problem: it wasn't funny. At all. I hate M*A*S*H.)

2. Cosmos (with Carl Sagan) – "Sagan was able to communicate something extremely complicated to the layman (i.e. morons like me) and do it well, and that’s unusual for a scientist at his level."

3. CSI — "The way they use science to solve their programs is intriguing to viewers. My pants itch."

4. House – "Again, it’s high level type of show; it’s the personality that makes it a winner, plus it deals with science." (Medical shows usually do.)

5. West Wing – "You had to pay attention to stay up with it. The repartee was fast and furious and you needed a fairly high level intelligence to keep up with it. So I watched 'According To Jim' instead."


6. Boston Legal – "It’s primarily because of the characters. The story lines are okay, but the characters are incredible and the writers give them great dialogue. I just made a poopy."

7. All in the Family – "The show dealt with social issues before its time and was on the forefront of trying to show people’s feelings, beliefs and the complexities of personality, in both a serious and comedic way."

8. Frasier – "The repartee
(Jim just learned the word repartee) was sensational; the main characters were very good. Even though they portrayed people who were likely of high intelligence, they also showed their weaknesses."

9. Mad About You – "It’s a personal favorite.
(No shit? Why else would it be here?) I loved the characters and the back and forth. It was very smart."

10. Jeopardy – "It’s about the only game show that really tries to test people’s intelligence. There’s very little luck involved, and there are few game shows like that. I don’t watch it all that much, honestly
(so I'm talking out of my ass here), but from what I’ve seen it tests more than knowledge, it tests intelligence too."

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Great Wedding Moments

Click any pic for a larger view






And she has a black eye. Nice.


Glunk glunk glunk glunk glunk


Their children will be beautiful


Probably fake but I laughed


Bridesmaids? Or cheerleaders?


The White Stripes get married. In Sherwood Forest.


Representin'! (...The Lollipop Guild)


On this joyous occasion...





I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Dork








Nothing says class quite like fishbowls.


Prince called. He wants his boots back.


The kids look happy.








What has two thumbs and loves Dungeons & Dragons?


Uncle Roy wore his very best tie

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