Saturday, December 22, 2007

2007 Santa Beatings Roundup

What the hell is wrong with people? Why beat up Santa when there are so many more worthy candidates? From


In what seems to be a growing trend, attacks on Kris Kringle are on the rise, and not just in the Unites States. Radar has rounded up some of this season's most amazing hits on Jolly St. Nick.

Inflatable Santa Massacre '07: Sixteen-year-old Christopher Morrison, of West Islip, New York, and his buddy Kevin Berding, age 20, delivered a beat-down to Joe Farrell's Christmas display in West Islip's Quincy Place neighborhood. Morrison and Berding allegedly deflated an oversize snow globe before they launched a gruesome attack on Farrell's giant inflatable Santa, slashing it in the back of its head with a screwdriver. (Dec. 19, 2007)

American Santas Have it Easy, Part 1: In Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, drug traffickers opened fire on a helicopter ferrying a Santa to a Christmas party. The traffickers may have mistaken the helicopter for a police transport. After taking at least two bullet holes in the fuselage, the helicopter returned to its base and Santa resorted to driving to his destination. (Dec. 17/18, 2007)

American Santas Have it Easy, Part 2: Santas touring Sherburn-in-Elmet, York, UK, have had to dodge hurled eggs and bottles. Local youths (pissed about last year's haul, or just, as the Brits say, pissed?) were said to be responsible for the assaults. The Elmet Lions Club, which sponsored the visits, declared that "If these attacks are not curtailed, Sherburn-in-Elmet will get the Christmas it deserves." (Dec. 13, 2007)

Santa Should Carry a Taser: Dateline: Missoula, Montana—College student Clint Westwood, age 22, started the season off right when he allegedly gave Santa a snootful of pumpkin pie and said, "What do you think of that, Santa?" Westwood, a college drama student, said he videotaped the act and that he planned to use the clip in a film, tentatively titled My Crazy Life. (Nov.30, 2007)

Maybe it was the Heat Miser: Spokane, Washington, firefighter Kevin Smith, age 29, was decked out in Santa gear and riding in a fire truck decorated as a sleigh during Spokane's annual "Santa Run," when a mysterious object-throwing grinch knocked him out cold. Smith's account of the incident for local reporters was succinct: "One second I was up there waving to people, and the next minute I wasn't." Santa Smith ended up with a broken nose and two black eyes for his trouble. (Dec. 15, 2007)

'Nad Santa: A 65-year-old man was playing Santa for the kiddies in the Danbury Fair Mall in Danbury, Connecticut, when Sandrama Lamy, age 33, allegedly groped his bag of goodies. Lamy wasn't hard to find, as the Santa told cops she was on crutches. She was arrested and charged with, among other things, sexual assault. Lamy has told the press that the report was "false," and that she didn't "have any idea" why it was made. (Dec. 19, 2007)


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